"During my last trip to Ghana just a few weeks ago, my wife, Kat and I traveled to the community where our son, Evans, was born. It is a community called Bolgatanga. While there, we saw the extreme poverty that our son was born into. We witnessed the generational poverty that has plagued his family, and many other families in the area for years. We heard countless stories of children suffering from malnutrition, malaria, HIV/AIDS, and special needs. We learned about the aggressive movement of Hinduism throughout the community, and met Christian missionaries from the U.S. that are working daily to advance the true Gospel of Jesus Christ.
Prior to traveling to this community, we learned of a young girl that was extremely sick. While in the village for several days, we were able to go and meet her. She was so frail and underweight due to malnutrition that we carefully held her in our laps and tried to comfort her as she looked up at us with her big, beautiful eyes. I know it sounds weird, and potentially cliche, but you could see the face of God when you looked at her.
When we left Bolgatanga, we were filled with joy because we passed court for our adoption…but we left with mixed emotions knowing the many children that would still struggle to survive in this area... boys and girls just like the one we held.
Today we learned that this little girl died.
God, please give me grace. I really don't want to offend anyone, but this hurts.
Do you know why she died?
She died because of starvation…from not having enough food for her little body to operate.
She died because we closed our eyes. She died because the "system" of orphan care is broken. She died because her story was never told. She died because while you and I went for "seconds", she had none. She died because somewhere along the line, we made "missions" a line item in our Church budgets, and felt it only deserved a small % of our income. She died because we blamed our complacency on the false-truth that, "we have starvation here in America…we should help our own first". She died because we forgot why we exist.
As followers of Jesus, we were created to worship.I was already at a breaking point...and then read of an orphanage where the babies are wrapped up in potato sacks because they have no clothing.
We love to boil "worship" down to our Sunday-morning-U2-sounding-praise-teams jamming out to 3 songs and a offertory…but God says "away with the noise of your worship!" In Amos Chapter 5, He continues by saying "what I want is JUSTICE to roll down like a river, RIGHTEOUSNESS like a never failing stream".
I'm angry.
God, please give me grace.
There is no justice in the death of a child due to something we could have prevented. "
Then you start scrolling down and read about first world problems and you feel sick. You want to rant and rave and say "Really?! This is your biggest problem? Get over it. Get over yourself!" I am seriously losing compassion for people because I find their problems plain ignorant compared to the daily struggle for survival that so many are living. It is probably good that I will be taking a month break from facebook because I want to shout "When was the last time you were truly starving? Or fighting for your life?"
Once again here I am trying to figure out how to live here in this abundance with the knowledge of the injustice. Struggling to know how to be enough, and knowing I can never do enough.
And my thoughts return to the story above and flashes of the girl in the green and yellow dress return. I remembered touching her feverish skin and coaxing a smile from her malnourished body that was poking bone. I cried more and lamented Psalms. I prayed Psalms 58 over the wicked who are slaying the innocent.
"Let them vanish like water that flows away; when they draw the bow, let their arrows fall short."I prayed for protection of the many faces I am growing in my heart.
Then my thoughts returned to worship.
I am so sick of boiled down worship. When will justice roll down like a river?
Maybe you can eat your excuses of complaceny over and over. Maybe you can remain deaf and mute to the cry of the orphans but I can not. Sometimes at night I weep because their cries are so loud. If anyone notices I blame it on PMS, when it is really LTO - Loving the orphan. I am tired of explaining to people why I can't get over it.
I am tired of trying to defend the church when she herself has a budget that focuses on first world problems. I can't justify a paved parking lot when we turn a blind eye to those dying of preventable problems. I just can't. Throw your stones if you must.
I just really wonder what great excuses you're going to give Jesus when you are asked what you did to help? You go read these 54 verses and get back to me. Then see if your % was enough.
Mine was not. So I return to my wandering like a lost child in the woods. I grieve under His wings in the only place I don't feel alone. I leave feeling humbled, smothered in grace, because He bears the stains I was grieving over. I know He knows.
He alone gives me strength to keep fighting. So I will keep writing through the struggles even if I am misunderstood. I will rally and pray for the healing of the heart of the child He chose for our family, even on the hard days. I will pick myself back up, though weary and march on. Those beautiful eyes stare at me from the translated documents, begging for a chance to dream. I will not leave them faceless. I will tell their story.
I ask those, here with me, that maybe lost and wandering.... in your wait, or in your journey...What do you do when you get in this place? Will we ever find the balance? Or will it always be a continual process of ashes to beauty?! Will it always be so lonely?
I ask those, searching and praying. What is the status of your worship? Are you simply filling a pew? Are you content with a %?
I ask the church if it is tired of being a stain of the world? Or will you keep justifying the injustice? When will you let the scriptures transform your mission? My Bible reads:
James 1:27
Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.
Because this verse says - "You go and visit the orphans and I am going to wreck your religion and your first world agenda. You want to see my heart, YOU GO VISIT (not look at pictures on some slideshow) and I will show you. You go and I will search your heart and bring you home a changed person."
That is exactly what happened to me.
Almost a year and half later I am still wrecked. However, I'd rather be wrecked and struggling vs. not living it out.
Where are you?
Thank you for saying this so boldly! My husband and I often lament to each other shiny new church buildings when the old one was good enough, when that money would be so much better spent in areas of deep poverty. We have to respond! My only consolation is what I heard from a missionary to Mozambique. She said Jesus died so there would always be enough. That he's big enough to bless and provide for us here in a world of excess, and also to provide, through us, for those with nothing. But I firmly believe that we must be his hands and feet!
ReplyDeleteThat is really good - that with Jesus there is always enough. Thanks for sharing and taking the time to leave a comment!
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