Zalen Moise... 2 months home

Zalen experienced even more firsts this month.  Though it was a bit chilly we took a walk out at my brother's farm and Craig let each of the kids shoot his gun.  Zalen loved it.  We also have made some amazing triumphs over the "fear of animals" this past month.  Craig loves hunting so he is excited that the kids are finally getting old enough to learn more about this hobby of his.

When Zalen first arrived home he was deathly scared of most animals, especially dogs.  We do not currently have a dog, but the neighbors do and oh he would scream and freak out if they even came close to him.  He finally warmed up to a meek little lamb at our friends house and gained the courage to pet it.  The little lamb opened the door to the realization that the furry animals were not that bad.  Soon, he graduated to petting a few cats.  Yet, I was still surprised when Zalen took to Shay so well, even playing fetch with her.  Shay is my brother's lab and because of our fondness for her, we refer to her as our niece.  :-)  She is much more low key then my neighbor's small yippy yappy dogs, which Zalen still does not care for, but finally doesn't scream every time they are near.

Then Zalen went on to surprise me even more when he eagerly wanted to pet the horses.  :-)  I was amazed.  I think he is well over his animal phobia.

 

Zalen finally is starting to talk a bit more in English.  His first, full English sentence, without repeating anyone one else was to Craig.  Craig was about ready to leave for work and Zalen came running over to him and said clear as day -- "I want a kiss!"  It was the cutest thing ever.  He is picking up more and more English.

We have been working on colors right now.  I read on some website, and I don't know if this is true or not, but that Lingala does not have words for each color.  They have a word for black and white, and then a word for all the rest of the colors.  We have been sorting out the mega bloks into colors and he is getting a little better with it, but we have a ways to go.  

We have also been working on communicating and table manners.  Teaching Zalen to chew with his mouth closed and not smack is an ongoing battle.  He still struggles with slowing down when he eats and not taking gi-huge-ic bites.  Improvements have been made but it has yet to develop into a habit because when he isn't thinking about it then it is back to smacking.  The biggest communication issue we are working on is not whining, mainly when he deals with the kids.  I want him to use his words instead of whining when the kids take a toy from him etc.  As in all parenting, it is vicious cycle of repetition, repetition, repetition.  

Zalen also attended his first birthday part and went rollerskating.  He was so intrigued watching the other kids skate but when he actually tried himself he got over it pretty quickly and was ready to take the skates off.  Here he is skating with the birthday girl - notice the tongue hanging out as he concentrates.  He did enjoy falling down though, he thought it was funny.

I am anxiously waiting to have real conservations with him.  I know he has a lot going on and I love watching him at play.  He hums a lot when he is playing.  Lately, he is really into playing with the girls baby dolls and with the play kitchen.  He is constantly cooking me new things to try.  He also enjoys when I let him observe in the kitchen when I prepare supper.  I find this a good time to dialogue to him in English and let him help.  It makes sense that he would love cooking, since he really loves food.  We even conquered peas the other day - Craig creamed them and he ate them right up.  

He is still doing amazingly well.  Please continue to keep him in prayer as we retest his blood concerning his high thyroid reading.  We will do that in May.

Loving others as myself......

I'm not sure how transparent to be...  do I dare to write all on my heart?  I sit and drink in God's word and try to pull together a lesson for small group tonight and all I can do is cry at the conviction in my own heart.

I think of a friend's timely words and prayer in a message this week encouraging me to keep going, sharing my passion, even if it was lonely at times.

7: experiment is still going on.  I actually smell a little right now.. my T-shirt and jeans worn two days in a row.  I forgot last night to wash my other outfit.  Somehow I am finding a strange comfort in that I smell a bit.  You just have to know me and my previous issue with my clothes smelling fresh.  This is a challenge.  I have whined a bit lately because the weather getting so warm - means others are pulling out shorts and spring clothing.  I am rolling up my jeans and gray yoga pants.

I am learning that I do indeed feel that I "deserve" much more then I deserve.  I am learning that the more God messes up my world, the more lost I feel in the world I am in.  But God keeps pushing me.. "Be a voice!"

No God, I argued, I want to give up... I can't, it is too hard, too lonely.  Nobody understands it.  Besides, I am too messed up to be a voice.  I am so far from perfect.  You see me at my worst, with all my struggles.  Let someone else go this road, that is better at it.

My sermon notes on Sunday read:

 "I AM A FAILURE" 

underlined..underlined..underlined..underlined... 

Then I escaped, before I made spectacle of myself in the pew.  I went outside and cried out to God, why are you making my heart so broken?!  James 4 came back to me which we had studied in Sunday School...

    "Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies INTENSELY? vs. 6 But HE GIVES US MORE GRACE-- That is why Scripture says: "God opposed the proud but gives grace to the humble."

God saw through my facade.  I still fought him on it.  I had been convincing myself and trying to convince my husband that I was beginning to find the balance.  I had stopped crying over going to Wal-Mart and even to prove it, and ignore the turmoil in my heart I didn't say a word about going out to eat on Sunday afternoon.  

I some how started to try to justify that I could go on with my everyday just like I did before.  Before God opened my eyes.  Before orphans had names.  Before I realized how selfish I was.

This morning God finally got through.  When you fail, I give you more grace.  Quit fighting all those around you, your issue is with me.  The ache in your heart is the spirit that lives within me envying intensely because you are trying to be friends with the world.  You can not serve two masters.  I have only begun to show you what I need you to know... Keep seeking... Keep trusting....Keep praying..... Keep reading.....Keep Studying....but most of all Keep Being not just a voice, but my voice.  I finally understood that this once again has little to do with me but has a lot to do with what God wants to do through me.

So, thinking about next month's 7: experiment against access is FOOD.  I have been dreading this.  I am giving up coffee.  I have never given up coffee.  Not even for lent.  I will only be drinking water.  Only water.  For a month.  I am already trying to justify my food options.  That I couldn't possible do just 7 food choices, only Jenn Hatmaker could do that.  :-)  I keep making excuses that just giving up coffee should be enough.  Then I feel God pricking my heart, I thought you wanted to sacrifice and fast?  So trying to narrow down my food choices to seven.  

I was very challenged by the following song to continue on, even if those around me think I've went loopy.

I won't forget...

I won't forget the miracle of you...never

all the miracles in between that took us one step closer

today I cried

over the miracle of a heart healed by an amazing God

a mother's prayer that was carried across continents and miles

God, you held his heart, all its scars, hurts, disappointments

and you loved him more then I could ever love him

you held him, when I could not

when I felt helpless and tossed and turned at night

you were there with him preparing his heart to love, to trust

when I felt my heart would break with longing to be there with him

to embrace my boy and kiss away the scowl on his face

you would touch my heart as well...giving perfect peace

and assure me that my heart needed time as well

for you to mold it, prepare it, so I would be ready for him

today I praise you

for a sweet little boy who has a smile that lights up my world

and perfectly curled eyelashes that fairly make a gal swoon

for a little boy who tells his mama he loves her when she tucks him in

I cherish the random hugs that prick my eyes with tears

I notice how his little tongue hangs out whenever he concentrates

and I love to hear him laugh -- it reminds me I need to laugh more

lighten up and live deeper

and oh, oh, oh - there have been hard times

when he would push the boundaries and his Congolese stubborn pout

would form, his eyes refusing to make contact with mine

trying to convince me to give in

with tough love and more prayers.. we pushed on

and he learned that even with boundaries came love

unconditional love

and I hope Zalen Moise, you always know that

because sometimes my sweet boy I will mess up

and I will not know what to do

but I pray you will know that my love, God's love is just that

unconditional

I can't wait to get to know you more

to understand your silly antics and to engage in the stories you tell

so much to look forward to as we both grow together

as mother and son

but as I eagerly look forward I do not want to forget all that got us here

the healing of the heart that happened

before I was ever on the scene

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Psalms 147:3

7: and value others above yourselves

Why is it when you only have one pair of jeans to wear the messes flock to them?  Seriously.  I am trying to get a couple days wear out of them before I wash them--- but this has seemed almost impossible.

So far my 7 articles of clothing challenge is going well.  I have had a couple of times when I really wished I could wear something else.  One was when we went out for my birthday and the other was when we went to the concert.  I have only deviated from my list once, and that was to exchange my lt. grey sweatshirt for a heavy hoodie b/c it was raining and I thought I might need it to stand in line at the concert.

More then missing my clothes I am missing my hats and jewelry.  I like accessories.  I don't have a lot of jewelry but the pieces I do have I love.  Many are from different parts of the world and I love them.  I am actually surprised that I miss wearing them because I would not of thought of myself as someone who likes jewelry.

I'm still striving to find a balance with all this materialism here, but I am getting closer.  I bought a couple new spring couch pillows on clearance at Wal-mart the other day and I didn't cry about it.  I did think about it, though.  I did have a flag that this was a "wanted" item, not a needed item.  I am enjoying my pillows and the little bit of spring they bring to the living room.  I have two garbage bags of clothes I am giving to friends so as the new things come in, I feel good to get rid of a few others.

I wore my mis-matched flip-flops yesterday.  They got a lot of questions from my kids and family.  "Did you know you were wearing two different flip-flops?"  I then got to explain that they were to remind me to pray for the DRC and I told them about all the times we would be driving through Kinshasa and see kids with mis-matched shoes.

I feel like I am learning.... slowly... but learning that I don't have to be guilty for the way I live as long as I accept the responsibility that I have been given much so that I can give more.  Does that make sense?  I also feel that that this experiment against excess is showing that I am more worldly then I ever realized and that there is still sections of my life that can be reevaluated so I can give more.  I am not just talking about money, but my time as well.

I have found that in general I am a very selfish person.  But what bothers me the most is I am teaching my kids to be that way as well when I focus so much on them, our little family, and our little life.  I keep going back to the verse God laid on my heart for this year... "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,  not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." 

It is easy to say, yes, I do value others.  I am a very caring person.  It is the "not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others" that proves a challenge to me.  I simply like to do what interests me.  It shows in our actions and how we spend our time.  It can quickly be evaluated by a simple question?  "What have I done for others this week?  today?  Have I sacrificed a bit of my time to be a blessing to someone else?"  Not just our neighbors, friends, and family but also to our husbands and children.  A mound of laundry is still taking up my entire living room because I intentionally chose to be present with my children.  It was a beautiful day and they needed me to be present in it - not inside cleaning away.  I heard about boats that could magically fly through the air due to the magic potion poured upon it and I tasted a delicious soup made of water, leaves, grass and other organic items that Zalen had made.  I learned about different kinds of monsters that live in my backyard and we threw a frisbee for awhile.  My interest was to catch up on my housework but if I would have completed all that was on my list, look at all I would of missed.

I am also humbled to share that project KaKa is already off to an amazing start.  My friend from college, Cassie, challenged her youth to help with this project.  I received a note from her that they have already raised over $200.  I was amazed!!!

 

And then a message from my friend Christie saying her daughter could not wait for the yard sale to start helping out and she posted this picture on facebook of E. collecting her change/money in her Congo jar (what a beautiful heart!!):

The children are setting the precedent for us adults.  Still hoping to raise $500 through our yard sale and donations for this project.  We are trying to nail down a date for it.