Zalen: 9 months

I am not sure where to start for this monthly update.  This last month has been a challenge.  I do believe we experienced our first "grieving" with Zalen.  It was triggered when I left for two days to go to Woman's Retreat.  When I returned home... well he was just mad at me.  I had a lot of long talks with him and he seemed to do better.  Then he started acting out not only at home but also at church.  He is now very leery about me leaving.

The weird part is, I have been gone before with no issues.  So, I was really trying to figure why this time it triggered the behavior.  The only thing I can come up with is a good thing.  He is attached to his mommy.  :-)  Since the twins started school, Zalen gets lots of time with me.  He only has to share with Kinnly.  My attention when he first came home was always divided.  As communication between us improves... I was also able to decipher that he didn't like me being gone because he didn't get to have school.  He is very attached to our routine and does not like when it changes.

Thankfully, he seems to have gotten over being mad at me, but we have had issues still (off and on) with me leaving.  At times he watches me out the window as I back out pouting and crying.  Talk about breaking a mommy's heartstrings.  The issues of not listening at church are also still a factor.  He seems to be just pushing the limits of authority figures in general.  This issue is only with me.  Craig leaves everyday to go to work and we have had not issue.  Difference, that is part of the routine and mommy being gone is not.

We are just taking it one day at a time.  Thankfully, the initial anger was short lived.  It is so h.a.r.d. not to take his behavior personal.  I know I must not -- but I just wish we were able to talk some of this out.  I hate that his heart maybe hurting and he just doesn't know how to express it any other way.  He is doing better at home now, but is still having issues in Sunday School and Children's Church.

On the bright side we are starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel in language skills.  His English is getting better and better everyday.  He is also starting to mix up his English in cute little ways as he learns.  :-)  I will have do another learning post soon.

Also the dude is growing like CRAZ-EE.  See the difference 9 months can make.  He is filling out and this dude is solid.  He has mean upper cut so watch it when you are play fighting.  He loves to wrestle with his dad.

 

We finally got in some fall fun and went to the pumpkin patch.  We went on a "haunted" hay ride.  I thought Zalen would freak out more but he did really good.  One guy did sneak up on him pretty good and scare him though because he was watching the ghost behind us and not the guy right beside. It was funny!  We picked out our pumpkins and hope to get them carved some time this week.  I love the top middle picture because it captures his "ornery and I know I am a cute little stinker" face. 

I think the highlight for Zalen this last month was dancing at his cousin's wedding.  He threw a fit when I made him get off the dance floor because they were tossing the bouquet.  He did not understand that it was only girls allowed at that time.  He loves to dance.  Here is a picture of him and his girl, Sam.  :-)

   

Still emptying....

i'm just not the same person.

• my passions. my heart. my focus.
  i have been so blind.
  self-centered - lost - focused on everything and anything that didn't matter
  and totally aloof to what did
  
  i thought i had it all wrapped up
  in a nice box with a bow
  all i ever dreamed of and more
  really i did
  a loving husband - beautiful children
  a home - food - shelter
  hobbies and friends
  the "american dream" *throws head back in outrageous laughter*
  
  then i started to pray a dangerous prayer
  for God to empty me of myself
  and fill me with Him.
  
  i surrendered and said i wanted more.
  even in my fear, my doubts
  He answered.
  
  when He opens your eyes
  be warned - it hurts, it compels, it questions
  it probes, it challenges
  e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g
  
  "I am losing patience with a world so indifferent that they can stand by and allow 12 million of God's souls to walk aimlessly through the desert." - Jim Copple about the drought in Kenya
  
  i am also losing patience to indifference
  i just don't fit in anymore
  they look at me strangely
  they live dimly
  i will not go back
  
  Jesus said to be a LIGHT
  you can't be a light if you're not burning
  you laugh at the passage about hiding the light under a bowl
  that is you
  that is me
  because your too... what
  what exactly is your EXCUSE?
  you have the unfair advantage!!
  God said you did.
  But you won't believe..
  won't believe..
  
  complacency robs
  ministry dies
  
  if your life is not about saving people
  you have no life
  no purpose
  
  your excuses STINK
  how does the Bible put it?
  like a dog returning to eat his vomit?!
  harsh.. so harsh.. so judging you want to say
  say it
  go ahead
  who said I was talking about you?
  
  i don't know how to be me anymore
  i need more
  i'm hungry
  desperately hungry
  desperately seeking
  
  a stranger stares back
  but I pray desperately
  that He sees
  a lump of clay

Feature Friday: Fundraising *GUEST POST* & Link Up

Sarah, Jeff & Odette

Hey all! 

This is Sarah from nothinglefttopaint.com. I'm honored to have been asked by Tessy to guest post about fundraising. Tessy and her husband Craig are dear friends through the adoption blogosphere. We used the same agency and they loving visited Odette while they were in Congo picking up their son.

First of all, my hat's off to all of you in the thick of fundraising. It is one of the most humbling and difficult things I've ever done. I am a get-things-done-myself kind of person. If there is something I want to achieve I set a goal and get it on my own. Unfortunately, like for so many adoptive families, we couldn't do it on our own. We needed financial support from others to make our dream a reality. Going into the adoption I thought fundraising would be like a giant girl scout cookie selling party. I'd share our decision to adopt, people would jump for joy and hand over their wallets. Not so much. That isn't to say that we didn't get TREMENDOUS support from others, we did, it just wasn't easy or fun. Asking (begging) people for money stunk. 

Opportunity in Fundraising
Here is what I learned. Fundraising is an awesome opportunity to educate and involve others in your adoption. We opened so many people's eyes to the beauty of adoption and the reality that normal people just you and I can do it. I loved that we allowed others to live the gospel. Yes, adoption is the gospel. God calls us to look after widows and orphans, and our fundraising allowed others the chance to say yes to the call in the manner that was best for them. We sold several things like 147 Million Orphans shirts and holiday candies, but with both of those I felt like we were hitting up the same circle of people again and again. They bought something they (maybe) wanted and we got a cut of the proceeds. To avoid this from happening again we turned to a garage sale.

#Tip: View Fundraising as an opportunity to educate and involve others in your adoption

Collecting Stuff
We collected everyones' stuff for months leading up to our spring sale. I posted reminders on the blog and passed the word along. Most people seemed to have a bag or two that they had been meaning to donate that they happily handed over. It seemed that in no time our basement was overflowing with garage sale donations.

#Tip: Get the word out about your sale and keep posting reminders that they are taking donations

Book Sale

While we were waiting for the ground to thaw to have the big garage sale, a sweet sweet friend of ours wanted to do her part to say yes. She felt the Lord telling her that she could do more to help bring Odette home. Sure she could give us a donation, but knew that with a little more work she could wow us. This sweet friend went on to completely organize and host a book sale for us. She passed out fliers and spread the word far and wide. Books poured in from everywhere. I never knew that there were so many people with books they were so willing to part with. While I was have panic attacks about my piles in the basement of garage sale stuff, the dear friend of mine was filling a barn with books! Can you say humbling? She wouldn't let me do much of anything as she knew how overwhelmed I was already feeling. The sale was held on a stormy and even tornado warning filled day, but the sales and cash donations were an astonishing $500! Oh I forgot to mention that the books were priced at $1 each. Some people paid that, others gave much more, and still others handed over money and walked out empty handed. I went home that evening that cried out to God for the blessings. He called us to do this, why are so many others helping? I still think back to that book sale and consider the kind ladies that put it on our book angels.

#Tip: Don't think you can handle doing a garage sale - Try a book sale instead.  1 product, 1price.

Unexpected Blessing...

Two weeks before our garage sale was to happen we were contacted by another friend that had shared our story with their family. Her family shared it with their friends and friends friends and suddenly we were being asked if we would be home on Sunday? They had a moving truck full of stuff they would like to drive over to us FROM OUT OF STATE to donate to our sale. Our collection quadrupled in size in one hour. We were in awe as the full-to-the-brim truck was being carefully driven to our home. Slyly our friends MOST KIND parents slipped us an envelope (that unbeknownst to us was a very large cash donation)and drove off as quickly as they arrived. Needless to say we had some of everything at our sale. I can't really pin point what it was that brought in the most people or the most money. We did make over $500 more on the books leftover from the book sale. I couldn't believe some of the stuff that sold. I really think it was the wide variety of stuff that brought in the profits.

#Tip: Encourage your friends to tell their friends about your sale

#Tip: Try to get a variety of items

Advertising....We advertised on Craigslist (FREE), in our local paper (who gave us a discounted ad price because I asked), and put signs up around the surrounding neighborhood. We live tucked away in a subdivision and wouldn't have gotten much traffic if we didn't advertised. People haggled prices and we let them. We priced high knowing that we could come down. Our Friday sales were way beyond my goal for the entire weekend. In my mind I was hoping to be able to pay for Odette's flight home. We surpassed that by a lot!

#Tip: ADVERTISE, ADVERTISE, ADVERTISE

1. Put out the word
2. Collect lots of stuff
3. Work your butt off

I've seen lots of variations of garage sales. Some with no prices, some with baked goods sales, some with donation buckets, some with firm prices. I don't really think that is a right or wrong way. We loved the garage sale because it opened us up to a bigger circle of people. We weren't asking our family and friends to buy anything or give us any more money. We gladly took what stuff they didn't want and appreciated their help during the actual sale, but it was nice to feel like we weren't hounding them once again. So put out the word, collect lots of stuff, and work your butt off for a few days. It is well worth it!

My point of this post is mostly to encourage you. I don't have any real steadfast, make quick and easy money tips for you. Sorry to disappoint. What I want to do is reassure you that your fundraising is all part of His plan. It is. You know the saying If He brings you to it, He will bring you through it. He will. He will amaze you time and time again by who He chooses to use to play a role. While you might be sitting there feeling so unworthy of your blessings, know that those people who are supporting you are walking away filled with complete joy that they got to have a role in your adoption.

#Tip: Realize even fundraising can be a God thing

Thank you Sarah for sharing about your garage sale/book sale fundraisers and extending encouragement to those that are in the thick of fundraising.  Get to know Sarah and read more of her story at her blog: Nothing Left to Paint: Our Journey to Adopting from the Congo.

Also don't forget to LINK UP your fundraiser link below.  I love to support fundraisers when I can and I always share a link to this blog on my Monday facebook page with my circle of friends and encourage them to shop as well.

Interested in more fundraising tips and articles check out this link of all blog posts labeled Fundraising

FYI:  For those curious... I wrote to my Congolese friend Tresor about the hair drama and he wrote me back this about twists... "About the hair, in DRC it's girls and "bad boys"(thugs) who have those. That's probably why he didn't want them."