Stay on your toes

I have tried to write a post for several weeks now. I can't find the words. I've been so angry. Angry at the injustice. Angry at the ignorance. Angry at the complacency. It is not fair.

I'd rather be angry then deal with the sadness and frustration of feeling that my hands are tied a continent away.  I'd rather be angry then acknowledge the guilt once again of all that I have while others suffer so. 

I grieved for them, the lives lost due to not having clean drinking water. I wept as I scrolled down and took in the beautiful innocent faces. I groaned for the families that will be haunted forever by the phone call that held the tragic news. How do you even start to put the pieces back together? How do you wrestle with the whys without it crippling you? I trembled as I read the raw posts of those families walking in the valley, yet testifying of a grief mingled hope because they walk in faith.  I drew away from the words humbled because they are finding grace sufficient.

This is just one orphanage.  I can't even wrap my mind around the voiceless suffering that is undocumented.   

I grieve for those in the wait, who are suffocating in the red tape of a maimed system.  For those sticking it out day after day, praying the mountain will be cast into the sea.  For those who have returned home to once again sit and wait.  The empty beds that clutch the heart.  The pause excruciating.

If I grieve so, as only a spectator, I can not fathom the reality of it for those in the trench.  I will continue to pray.  I will be the body.  That does not seem nearly enough, but I wanted to say it anyway. 

"If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it."

Even as all this was bearing upon my heart, an unseen battle was raging in my own camp.  I found myself in my own trench, battling through prayer for those I love the most.  Failing in flesh, but clinging to hope. 

Through these emotional rages & desperate pleas, several thoughts settled in my soul.  The plain stark truth of Ephesians 6:12.
   12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

How easily I forget the invisible realm.  Yet, the word that started to stitch the heart was this:

^31-32 “Simon, stay on your toes. Satan has tried his best to separate all of you from me, like chaff from wheat. Simon, I’ve prayed for you in particular that you not give in or give out. When you have come through the time of testing, turn to your companions and give them a fresh start.” (The Message)

I like the way the above version reads.  I am praying for you that you not give in or give out.  Jesus is trying to prepare Peter for the spiritual war ahead.  Even with the warning Peter has no clue to the twist that is about to unfold, the crucifixion.  Jesus knows the doubts this will cause.  How it will weaken Peter's faith to a point where he denies the very man he has given his life for.  Jesus knew all this.  How the twist would rock Peter's world.  Jesus knew that no amount of warning would prepare Peter for it.  He would have to simply cling to what He had been taught as the sifting took place.  After that, he would have take what was left, allow God to strengthen him through his weakness, and then go fight like never before.  

So many times I am overwhelmed by this world and the suffering in it.  I get bogged down.  I feel helpless.  It is easy to doubt that you could even make a dent against it.  If it is all for nothing?  Did Peter perhaps feel the same as he watched the events spiral out of control, not knowing the outcome? I think he might have.  Therefore the above words give me hope.  Do not give in.  Keep fighting!  You have the unfair advantage.  Jesus himself is praying for me, for you.  Does that not give you comfort?  The plan may take a drastic twist, and you may be shaken, but the redemption continues.  The gift, He uses our very weakness and strengthens us for His glory.  

Do not doubt or give out.  The battle rages on.  Jesus still needs prayer warriors and passion filled people who will continue to be His voice despite the cost.  He still needs those that are willing to risk all that they know to put His love into action.  He is waiting for vessels to empty of self and fear so that they can be launched to build the kingdom.

Stay on your toes, my friends.  Don't you dare start to think it doesn't matter.  It does.  He has called you and He has called me to keep being His voice.  I know some of you are feeling the cost as never before, but our Jesus knows.  He is praying you through it right now.  I believe it is with the same intensity he did in the garden the night before his death.   He knows what is at stake.  

I pray that the scriptures may begin to stitch your hearts as they have mine.  I pray that through your sifting you will remain faithful.  I pray that we will not grow weary of doing good.  For we are promised that in due season, we will reap, if we do not give up.

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The wait that binds

Lately my heart and prayers have been consumed for those navigating through the wait.  

Some are waist deep in the wait and sinking.  I cry for them, wishing I could find the right words that would pull them up and encourage them to hold on.  There are others who are in the early stages and the word dreadfully looms before them.  The unknown can easily become a crippling fear.  They question if this is still the right road to travel?  Or if they should travel it at all?  

I have read and watched some that are stranded in a foreign country at the mercy of the wait.  Others fight endlessly against the illness that won't leave their body.  They have been whittled down to bare faith.  For those in the foreign land I am moved by the strength of their love for their children.  For those fighting for health, I admire their strength to not give up on their miracle as they wait for healing.  So many times I see this group transparently crumble as the wait wrecks havoc on their every emotion.  I cheer them on as they labor to pick up all the pieces and labor to trust through one more day.  I am riveted and moved by this.  Before my eyes, I read the testimony of His strength relinquishing their weakness, pulling them through the uncharted waters.   

I reel for those so close, travel plans halted as the wait inches in to steal the joy of anticipation and expectation.   I see them fill with a longing that overtakes their every waking moment.  They are warriors of the wait.  Some days they feel they have been crushed in battle and they flee.  The only place they can even breathe, even be is in the arms of the Savior.  The everyday effort of having their heart a continent away is wearing them thin.  The ache jars the most trusting soul, because it hurts physical.  The wait may inflict wounds upon them, but they will not give up.  I admire their bravery as they relentlessly take the front lines of battle time and time again.

To each of you, I hope to offer a tid bit of encouragement.  I also want you to know I am praying for so many of you.

In the Bible the word most often translated “wait” in the sense of waiting on the Lord is the Hebrew qavah. Qavah means (1) “to bind together like a twisted rope” (2) “look patiently,” and (3) “hope, expect, look eagerly.

In studying a bit about this Hebrew word Qavah I was moved by the literal translation of this word: "to bind together like a twisted rope"  I just couldn't get it out of my head.  I decided to dig a little deeper.

I began to wonder how does this apply to a verses like Psalms 27:14

Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

Stick with me for just a little bit as I take a quick detour into rope-making.

illustration & description below from: The Project Gutenberg eBook

So here is a quick run down of how this rope is made:

Three or more strands form a rope (D, Fig. 1), and three ropes form a cable (E, Fig. 1). To form a strand the yarns are twisted together in the opposite direction from that in which the original fibres were twisted; to form a rope the strands are twisted in the opposite direction from the yarns of the strands.... In this way the natural tendency for each yarn, strand, or rope to untwist serves to bind or hold the whole firmly together (Fig. 1).

You see the opposite direction and natural tendency to untwist is actually the strength that serves to hold the whole together.  The natural tendency to untwist serves to bind.  

The very untwisting that is happening in your journey right now, wherever you are in the wait, is serving to bind.  You may not see it, because you are so close to it.  It serves a purpose.  The wait may be trying to convince you that God is taking you in the opposite direction of where He originally told you to go/wants you to be but in the end He will still be holding it firmly together.  The twisting of the yarn in the opposite direction eventually leads to the strength of the rope itself.

 I believe this happens as we trust Him in our natural tendency to untwist.  
 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

When we get to the end of our rope, excuse the pun, He will be there.  Sometimes it is only at these points when we realize we have not walked one step of this journey by ourselves. When it is out of our control and we realize our weakness it brings us humbly before Him.  We have no other choice but to believe, trust, hope that He is going before us, fighting for us.  Our hearts are then strengthened as we bind ourselves to Him.  We are able to be of good courage as we realize our very untwisting has revealed who indeed is holding the whole firmly together.

I also believe that the adoption community is one of the strands of yarn that God weaves in to encourage us along the way.  If you are in any of these places, please comment below your prayer requests.  You can also e-mail me or private message me on facebook.  You are not alone and you do not have to face this on your own.   I would consider it a privilege to lift you up in prayer until you can find the strength in this untwisting of the soul.