One year post-placement with case worker has been scheduled. One year GOTCHA DAY celebration is quickly approaching. I seriously can't believe it. Our trip to Congo seems so far away, yet so close to my heart.
Being the end of the year I just feel especially reflective... Of all that 2012 has held for our family. How adoption has changed and blessed our lives.. the awesome times and the hard ones. 12 months of Christmas - what about the 12 months (almost) of being an adoptive mom?
Month 1: Exhaustion/Excitement - Jet lag sucks but watching Zalen meet family/friends were pure JOY kinda of moments. The first month was full of rejoicing as everyone met Zalen. It was
full of tender moments as God knit us together, teaching each of us a
new way to love. Bringing a 3 year old home is very different then
bringing your baby home. I rejoiced at how Zalen just fit within the family. Yes, there were
adjustments but I was amazed at how well we meshed and stood once again
amazed at how God works in all the details. There were also amazing
moments where friends and family got to meet him. Some expecting a shy,
withdrawn child were stunned when Zalen beamed his contagious smile,
wrapped them up in a hug and received them with a warm accented "Hallo!"
Month 2: Mama has Emotional Breakdown - Zalen was doing great and I was a big mess. I wrote on my blog: I'm not sure who I am anymore. What I
once wanted out of life seems meaningless. So many layers gone, I feel
exposed and vulnerable. But more importantly I feel ready to grow. I
am ready for God to teach me. The experiences of my time in the DRC started to filter into my
dreams, children's faces; the pleading eyes of Philemon asking us to be a
voice, to not forget; the man at the restaurant who asked us to take
his brother's son home..... I ached for Africa.
Zalen gets over his fear of animals after petting a baby lamb. He moved up to being ok with Shay and then a horse.
Month 3: Confusion/Grieving: I threw myself into my 7
challenge which I had already pledged to do before I even left. It may
sound crazy, but the 7 challenge against excess was an act of
confession and cleansing that my soul deeply needed. With each phase I asked God to forgive me for my excess and begged Him to help me
understand why He ripped out a place in my heart and then sent me back
home. I tried to excuse the
emotions and find some sort of "normal" again. I am shamed to say that
when that "normal" did not happen... I got angry. I got sad. I was
just all over the map. I longed for people to understand where I was,
how I felt. I didn't get why they didn't understand the urgency I felt
in my heart that WE HAVE TO CHANGE - WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING TO HELP. I started to really get
angry at the complacency of people, the church, and if I am frankly
honest walked a fine line of being self-righteous. Don't worry Jesus is
always quick to knock me off my high horse. He swiftly reminded me
that I was the same way before my own adoption journey, before He opened
my eyes. Once knocked off, I was just sad. I was more then sad. I
was grieving. Grieving that people around me thought the story was over
because Zalen was home. The story isn't over, I wanted to shout, Do
you know how many I left behind?
St. Patrick's Day
Month 4: Finding my place after the airport - I had read up and prepared for Zalen's grieving, but not my own. So month 4 was all about finding my place after the airport.
Easter Sunday
What do you do when your heart is a continent away?
You stare at your son you only brought home a few months ago and savor
the miracle... wanting more of that.. desperate dependency upon God that
you had during the adoption process
You wonder how you can do with less, so others can have more
You really question how you will be celebrating Easter this year....
You fight with God over your complacency for what He wants you to do here, right now
But most importantly, you keep the promise, to be a voice, and to tell America that they need help
You keep reading this quote over and over: "People
who really want to make a difference in the world usually do it, in one
way or another. And I've noticed something about people who make a
difference in the world: They hold the unshakable conviction that
individuals are extremely important, that every life matters. They get
excited over one smile. They are willing to feed one stomach, educate
one mind, and treat one wound. They aren't determined to revolutionize
the world all at once; they're satisfied with small changes. Over time,
though, the small changes add up. Sometimes they even transform cities
and nation, and yes, the world." Katie Davis, author of Kisses from
Katie
You begin raising $$ for mosquito nets and Kaka School
Month 5: A bit of new normal settles in Start being me again -- emotions start to even out. I begin to find my place. I realize I can continue to be a voice and make small changes. I even start to mellow out a bit and have some fun... going to some concerts with friends.
Zalen continues to GROW, GROW, GROW and we celebrate his 4th b-day.
Month 6: Remembering & Rest I hit month 6 and realized I needed rest. June just happened to be my 7: experiment to fast from media. Perfect timing. I also continued to raise $$ for the Kaka School and organized the yard sale which went amazingly well. I kicked back a lot and we went on vacation. We also met up with adoptive families who we were in-country with. It was so good to share and remember and meet the rest of the children as well. We also had met up with some CBC friends right before this. It was exactly what I needed.. family time and time spent with friends who understood very well the last 6 months of adjusting.
Meeting up with good friends :-)
Month 7 & 8: Summer flys by I would need my down time as I went into July/August. It was a busy summer and I did pictures for two weddings and my nephew's senior pictures. I read a lot of books and kept on pace with my Bible reading. Summer winds down and we start a new routine. Zalen and I begin school together and life is busy but good.
Zalen with his siblings and cousins
Month 9: Routine disrupted by grieving Month 9 was a hard month. Zalen started to really act out with me at home. He also started having issues listening at church in his Sunday School class and in Children's Church. He would have good days but then he would have really rough days. School started to be an issue b/c he was not cooperating during our lesson time. It all started when I went away to Woman's Retreat for a weekend. I came back and it was like he was really, really mad at me. I had been gone before this for youth group trips so not sure why this particular trip was a trigger but it was.
Month 10: Self Doubt When you hit the hard stuff and you are not sure what is going on... you may be tempted to have pity party and eat your "I am a terrible mom" cake. Don't do it. Between trying to figure out what was going on with Zalen and being down and out with some horrible sickness (kids then me)... I got to the point where I just didn't think I could do it anymore. (I'm a bit of a drama queen) However, please do talk with your husband and admit honestly about how you feel like you are a failure.. he will give you much needed perspective. If you don't have a husband, talk to a friend. Don't face it alone. You will realize just because the last few months haven't been as picture perfect as those first ones that you are still making a difference. When your feelings don't match up with what you know your heart really feels give it some time. Realize you can't always keep it together, and that is ok. You can ask for help and you must realize somethings are not in your control.
That brings us here... 11 months home! My sweet, happy, Zalen has returned. He is full of life and today during church drew a really good letter E. This was HUGE to me b/c our lesson time for the last month has been excruciating. His missing two front teeth are starting to grow in (going to miss that gappy smile) and I am enjoying our first Christmas together. His newest favorite word is "Cool!" Everything is cool. Pulling out all the Christmas decor - "Cool!" Lately he has been returning my affection again. It was killing me to be rejected. I have relaxed a lot... trusting God with the places of his heart that I realize I may never understand. It felt so good to turn that over to who it belonged.
I am looking forward to what this next year has in store. His language getting better everyday and thinking of just having a real conversation with him is awesome. Tonight when I tucked him into bed he told me that it was his stuffed monkey's birthday. (We've been talking about our birthday party to Jesus we will do for Christmas Eve) He then started giggling and said Monkey and Jesus's birthday. Silly boy. :-)
Wise Man/Sheep in the Christmas Play (You just had to have been there)
Putting on the first ornament on the Christmas tree
Matthew 25: 45 “Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of the least of these, you did it unto Me.”
Quiet blog doesn't mean a quiet heart. Sometimes there is just no words.
No words can describe the heartache I felt as the news reports came in about Goma. Then the news that one of the little boys that I sponsor for school is missing (and the others in the program) - his family & many others had to flee for their lives due to the fighting. They still have not been located or been able to return. I am praying that with the news of the M23 rebels retreating they will be able to return home - but what will they return to?
Refugee camp in Goma
Under pressure from regional leaders, the
rebels agreed to move 20 kilometers outside the city, to make way for
peace negotiations with the Congolese government. But residents here,
like Joseph Byabuze, said they do not think this is the end of M23 in
Goma. “The movement we are seeing is leaving in military clothing,” he
said. “But we are seeing them return in civilian clothes. -- from Congolese Rebels leave Goma article
Congo army troops have returned to Goma but the rebels lurk just a few miles outside of the city.
This is personal to me. This is where Zalen is from. This story could easily be a story about Zalen and his family living in the above pictured refugee camp. It is not just a news story I can read and move on from. It is a reality that the least of these are facing. I can not turn away from them......
Mwangaza International is wanting to do something to help the people in Goma and you can help. Around this time of year they normally have a Christmas campaign that ministers to around 100 children. This year most of Goma and the children are displaced from their homes and barely surviving in a refugee camp so a Feed One campaign has been started.
You can help. You can make a difference. I can make a difference. Will you join me?
“People who really want to make a difference in the world usually do it,
in one way or another. And I’ve noticed something about people who make
a difference in the world: They hold the unshakable conviction that
individuals are extremely important, that every life matters. They get
excited over one smile. They are willing to feed one stomach, educate
one mind, and treat one wound. They aren’t determined to revolutionize
the world all at once; they’re satisfied with small changes. Over time,
though, the small changes add up. Sometimes they even transform cities
and nations, and yes, the world.”
― Kisses from Katie: A Story of Relentless Love and Redemption
Will you?
I am sending out a plea for help and a challenge. Will you give up eating out for one meal and donate what you would of spent to help the people of Goma?! Will you give up one thing on your Christmas list and instead spend it on something that matters - a life saved... hope given to a family that is returning to nothing.
I can read my advent devotionals and sing the Christmas songs. I can decorate my house and enjoy the Christmas goodies.... but to truly celebrate Christmas we give back to Jesus. We realize what Jesus gave up for us and it should compel us to action. My most important gifts will be those that I give... that may make a difference in eternity.
If you want to give me a gift this Christmas, join with me in this cause. Give to the least of these... Believe with me that small changes matter and that these individuals are God's children and extremely important and precious.
The children that were sponsored through the "Send them to School" campaign back in Sept.
Continue to pray that we will soon hear news on these precious children!
Help me to reach my goal to raise $500 to help the families in Goma! You can donate by clicking on the link below which will take you to my personal fundraising page.
23rd came and went (I am still not sure where the entire month of November went?!) and I keep thinking I need to find time to blog.
Zalen loved Halloween and thought it was pretty amazing that you could just go door to door and people would give you candy. Might be his favorite holiday?! :-) Although Thanksgiving would be a pretty close second I think.
We also had fun making a big leaf pile and jumping in it. We painted and carved pumpkins.
Thanksgiving..... He loved, LOVED, loved the pumpkin pie.
Zalen is doing well. He is growing and learning. His English continues to expand but he still has an accent and likes to throw in extra sounds. His attention span is getting better which has been so helpful to me. I have adapted how I do lesson time though, understanding better how he learns.
10 months in and I am questioning a few areas where I feel he is very delayed in the "sensory" areas. In some areas he has made leaps and bounds. When he first came home he was very hypersensitive in his movements. (Vestibular Processing) He couldn't swing, leery of any type of height, couldn't jump, hated stairs, etc.... It is really pretty amazing to the progress he has made in these areas. He still has issues getting dressed (takes him forever) and then he will almost always come out with something on backward or inside out. Zippers and buttons are still major obstacles but he is trying really hard to conquer them. I am sure this falls under the gross motor skills. In about every other area Zalen is definitely sensory seeking. His fingers are always in his mouth (drives me crazy :-), he is always wanting to wrestle/hug, he is constantly wanting to push/pull things (remember the monkey in the stroller picture) etc... All things I have been aware of and expected.
However, in all my adoption reading I seemed to have missed out on the Internal Regulation (The Interoceptive Sense -- and this one is throwing up some flags. Things that have flagged lately......
His breathing always seems off - we will be sitting still and doing school and he sounds like he just ran across the yard. We have had some crazy respiratory junk here and there so at first I thought it was that. Not so sure anymore.
He never sleeps with a blanket on (I thought this was an Africa thing) and I always thought it weird b/c in all other areas he is so sensory seeking. He is also weird about wearing coats or knowing if he needs to or not. Could be a temperature thing?!
We are still struggling with bedwetting but it is almost always at night
We still have to limit his eating/drinking
Just to say straight up - I hate labels. I also think it is important to be educated and learn how I can help Zalen. Some of the above fall into the scope of this Interoceptive Sense. If anyone has any thoughts on this sensory subject would love your input. Here is an article I found very informative and a little less "termy" ----------> Self-Regulation: The Second Core Strength
Alrighty... can you believe in just a few months we will have Zalen home a full year?!
"My first Christmas in America, I was a little surprised to see the
importance of "stuff" during holidays while where I came from "food" was
what most hoped for."
My heart hurts at my excess.
Still it hurts. Not as raw it did back in January when I was there
looking into their eyes and seeing God's heartbeat in those dark brown
orbs that searched my face for hope. But it is still there. The ache of who I left behind.
That ache hurts the most when I run into the inaction. Either my own inaction or the general sense of inaction that seems to be gripping so many people and churches. Emotions fester taking me to a lonely place where I feel misunderstood. Where I am challenged beyond myself to find a purpose for why I don't belong? Why my heart beats so differently?! I struggle with a status quo I can't beat. The inaction weighs heavy on my heart as I face an empty pew that used to hold those dear to me. Bitterness creeps in that I weep alone on Orphan Sunday. I grieve as I feel the rawness fade and pray God to rekindle it and help me to always remember to ACT.
"If Christians believe that God is in every person, why don't we act like that? Why do we turn our eyes from the poor, the widows, the orphans, and the prostitutes? Although prayer is necessary and helps bring comfort, it's not enough to truly alleviate suffering. God didn't send His Son to pray for us but rather to act for us. The only thing that upsets me more than downright evil acts are people who allow injustice to happen with their inaction. Jesus transformed God's message into action, and it should be our mission to devote our lives to similar action." -- Becky, antitrafficking activist in India (taken from Batterson, Mark (2009-03-30). Wild Goose Chase: Reclaim the Adventure of Pursuing God)
Why don't we ACT like that? I can't get this question out of my mind.
I am having one of those weeks. A heart-wrenching, attached to the DRC by the heartstrings, kind of week. Yes, this normally happens when I know people that are in-country and I long to span the oceans and be there as well. So many needs poured out in my path and I feel burdened. I feel the sense of urgency in my spirit. I am chasing God. I know He is leading, but where? I still have one project that sits before me clearly, yet still much more is in uncharted territory.
Ohh the words of truth found in those lines.... "Jesus transformed God's message into ACTION" and how I am ready for that and scared all at the same time. For since my return from the Congo I have not quit asking.. ok what next God? However, lately I have allowed to be distracted and dissuaded as I battled in a place of fear and failure. Why is my response always fear? Or accepting failure from people who are not my judge? Why do I always stammer out my weaknesses in lame attempts to some how dissuade God that He chose the wrong person? For every time He counters my "I can't" with "Yeah, you can't but I certainly can through you" and well what do you do with that? You have a choice run away, stay caged or submit and trust.
All those questions of my jumbled heart led me to this piercing question -- "When will we stand up and confess that our inaction is an insult to the very action that took Jesus to the cross?"
And then a second question, "How do we counter this inaction?"
I have identified with the stories of the prophets as I have been reading... Ezekial, Daniel, Hosea, Amos.... and attributes of their story deeply resonated with me. Simply put.....they were stirrers. They stirred up the people to repent, to listen, to obey, to find their passion of loving God again. Today as I was praying and wondering "what's next?".. God whispered...just keep stirring.
If you don't know me by now (does an old country song come to mind?) I have a deep desire to share my passion of loving orphans & the Congo with others, but get this, I am just as excited about helping others find their passion! I just don't buy that people are inactive on purpose. It eases into the crevices of comfort and complacency. It hides in churches with a caged purpose. No matter how it wriggles in we must battle it.
I am currently battling with the passion thieves of this world. Fear and circumstance come to mind but my issue lately is the ski-masked believers in the church that are looting the joy of others. I truly believe their demise to robbery is the result of their own inaction. Why in the world are people bent on thinking that their calling in life is to rain on peoples dreams, ministry, or God's plan for their families?! In all honesty there is nothing that irks my noodle more then those naysayers... but I am beginning to understand that passion threatens the inaction. Passion moves you past a place of compassion to action. There would be a lot less naysayers if we as Christians were choosing to put God's mission and message into action. You see when you are "acting" you are so focused on following God that your focus isn't on what others are doing but on what God wants you to do.
So here is the deal... I can't defeat the naysayers in my life, nor in my church. I can pray for them to be stirred. I can't control how I am perceived or misunderstood, but I can stay true to my passion despite the critics because the strength of Christ resides in me. I can't make people crave loving orphans like I do but but I can keep sharing my story and opportunities that could lead to an addiction. I can counter the inaction and joy stealing by simply being a stirrer. Whether it cooks up to loving orphans, serving in the community, hosting a small group, taking dinner to a single mom, reading the Bible in a year, going on a mission trip, or sending cards of encouragement..(the possibilities are endless) -- know that God has a specific recipe of passion for you. You just have to be willing to be stirred. Sometimes the willing and wanting is not enough. Sometimes we need a friend to give us a spoon and say "Just stir!" I want to be that friend.
Are you tired of naysayers and the idleness that seem to be in the crevices of a lot of believers? Well, it is time to start countering this by handing out some spoons. Or maybe you are reading this and realize you need to stir your own pot. Either way, will you join me and be a passion stirrer, in your own life or in the life of others? Will you help to stop inaction in our own lives and in the lives of the others?
Therefore I remind you that you stir up the gift of God, which is in you by the laying on of my hands. 2 Timothy 1:6
We need to lay some hands on some sisters, some brothers and get some passion stirring :-) I need sisters and brothers to lay some hands on me to keep my passion stirring. We need to pray up some passion and pray down some inaction. No more complaining about the problem and playing woe is me... I have a new mission to hand out some spoons!
Here you go, you can have the first one... "Just stir!"
I am just honored to have Trésor Yenyi guest posting on the blog today. Please join me by giving him a warm welcome. He has agreed to guest post once in awhile to help us learn more about the Democratic Republic of Congo. His perspective is unique as he was born in Eastern Congo and now lives in the states. He is founder of Mwangaza International and also wrote the eye-opening book: "Journey to the Heart of Darkness".
With the holidays approaching, I have been wondering how to include Zalen's culture into our American traditions so I wrote to Trésor for some insight. So pull up a chair and we will learn a bit more about the holidays/traditions of the Democratic Republic of Congo.
A moment to remember...
"Do you celebrate Halloween?" or "What do you eat for Thanksgiving?" These are questions people often ask me when they want to know about holidays in the Democratic Republic of Congo. Holidays are important milestones for a culture. A moment to remember the past and celebrate the joyful and painful moments of history. Each culture has in its own context dates that are important. Having adopted the Christian calendars, all major christian holidays are celebrated in Congo. There are slight differences on what they mean for a child. There are also holidays that are peculiar to the Congolese people.
CHRISTMAS
Growing up in Congo, we did not have a chance to always eat a decent meal, to have decent clothes or a good pair of shoes. Christmas or "Noel" as we call it, is for us that one time of the year when we expected and prayed for clothes, shoes and most of all a bottle of coke or fanta. Yes, you read right; soda is a luxury for many in DRC and its an important part of the Christmas meal. Chicken or any meat which are expensive in major cities are always something children expect to eat for Christmas. Parents do their best in December to offer a decent meal and clothes to their children. Some decorate their houses but that's not the most important for the children. Families get together and people visit each other and make the day a special moment. Christmas is celebrated December 25 except for the Kimbaguist church which
account for about 10% of the Congolese population, their Christmas is May 25.
NEW YEAR
New Year or "Nouvel an" is another major celebration. People either wait for midnight at home or they go for an all night prayer at the church. Bars and pubs also make special arrangement for the celebration. Everyone tries to have the loudest music and at the midnight every one screams "Bonne annee!!!" with hope that the new year will bring more hope than the previous one.
EASTER
The strong Catholic influence makes Easter a very important holiday in the Congo. On Good Friday, thousands of catholics do the Via Dolorosa. Easter itself is more family oriented. Churches hold services then families share a meal at home. My family took that opportunity to visit cousins and friends we had not seen for a while or to go visit our relatives at the army camp.
INDEPENDENCE DAY
Our independence day June 30 is the most important celebration of the year. In each city a military parade is organized. the parade last for hours. When the military has completed its parade, civilians have theirs. The radio plays music from 1960 when congolese musicians wrote songs to immortalize the day of independence. Those who have TVs can watch documentaries about independence. Families get together, friends visit each other. The elderly tell stories to the younger generations.
PARENTS DAY
August 1st is another important date in the congo; It's parents day. There is a twofold meaning to the day. In the morning families remember their loved ones who passed away. most people go to the cemetery with their children to remember those who are no longer there. the afternoon is dedicated to parents who are still alive. Children honor their parents with gifts if they can or just their presence. Parents usually tell stories of their youth or talk about grandparents who have gone to be with the Lord.
OTHER IMPORTANT DATES
Other dates are commemorated in DRC such as January 4th when we remember the martyrs of our independence. January 16 and 17, are dedicated to our national heroes Patrice Lumumba and Laurent Desire Kabila. This past decade has seen Valentine's day become very popular in major cities like Kinshasa and Lubumbashi. March 8, International women's day have become an important day in Congo. women take the opportunity to raise awareness about the situation of women in eastern congo. A parade is organized in each major city to celebrate Congolese women.
HOLIDAYS NOT CELEBRATED
To answer the two questions from the beginning...Congolese do not celebrate Halloween and Thanksgiving.
In Conclusion:
Family, friends and food are definitely the most important part of the celebrations. Parents do their best to make sure that regardless of the situation their children have at least a decent meal for the special day. Despite their effort, many parents are unable to feed their children on those special day. My first Christmas in America, I was a little surprised to see the importance of "stuff" during holidays while where I came from "food" was what most hoped for.
Thoughts from Tessy: I don't know about you but not only did I learn from an unique perspective about holidays in the DRC I was also touched deeply to do something for the children this Christmas. Trésor did not ask me to do this but I want to share with you a way you can bless some children in the Congo this Christmas. Seems a small thing to do, buying a child a soda. But I have seen first hand the smiles of delight a Fanta can bring and it wasn't no small thing.
Trésor will be taking a few teams to the Congo and will be delivering these gifts to the children in December. You can donate by clicking the button above and it will take you to Mwangaza International home page.
Trésor Yenyi was born in Eastern Congo in 1983 at the peak of Mobutu’s
reign. Not realizing he was witnessing history in the making, he was
helpless as he observed the country slide first into chaos, then into
its grave—the victim of looting, war, and corruption. It was only after
he immigrated to the United States that he realized the depth of the
destruction that had occurred and began nurturing a strong desire to
return to his native country to search for a cure for the disease from
which Congo suffers. In his compelling travel narrative, Yenyi details
his return trips to Congo, his subsequent charitable work, and the
heartbreaking stories of the country’s victims of war. While providing
the voiceless a chance to speak through him, Yenyi reveals the
humanitarian challenges of Congo and combines his life experiences with
journal entries—creating an introspective glimpse into a world where
child soldiers, rape victims, street children, and AIDS orphans are the
realities of life. Trésor Yenyi has a dream—that the troubled land of
his ancestors will find peace once again. It is with this great hope for
the future of his homeland that Yenyi remembers Congo’s forgotten.
To purchase Journey to the Heart of Darkness click here -----------> Buy Book!
I am not sure where to start for this monthly update. This last month has been a challenge. I do believe we experienced our first "grieving" with Zalen. It was triggered when I left for two days to go to Woman's Retreat. When I returned home... well he was just mad at me. I had a lot of long talks with him and he seemed to do better. Then he started acting out not only at home but also at church. He is now very leery about me leaving.
The weird part is, I have been gone before with no issues. So, I was really trying to figure why this time it triggered the behavior. The only thing I can come up with is a good thing. He is attached to his mommy. :-) Since the twins started school, Zalen gets lots of time with me. He only has to share with Kinnly. My attention when he first came home was always divided. As communication between us improves... I was also able to decipher that he didn't like me being gone because he didn't get to have school. He is very attached to our routine and does not like when it changes.
Thankfully, he seems to have gotten over being mad at me, but we have had issues still (off and on) with me leaving. At times he watches me out the window as I back out pouting and crying. Talk about breaking a mommy's heartstrings. The issues of not listening at church are also still a factor. He seems to be just pushing the limits of authority figures in general. This issue is only with me. Craig leaves everyday to go to work and we have had not issue. Difference, that is part of the routine and mommy being gone is not.
We are just taking it one day at a time. Thankfully, the initial anger was short lived. It is so h.a.r.d. not to take his behavior personal. I know I must not -- but I just wish we were able to talk some of this out. I hate that his heart maybe hurting and he just doesn't know how to express it any other way. He is doing better at home now, but is still having issues in Sunday School and Children's Church.
On the bright side we are starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel in language skills. His English is getting better and better everyday. He is also starting to mix up his English in cute little ways as he learns. :-) I will have do another learning post soon.
Also the dude is growing like CRAZ-EE. See the difference 9 months can make. He is filling out and this dude is solid. He has mean upper cut so watch it when you are play fighting. He loves to wrestle with his dad.
We finally got in some fall fun and went to the pumpkin patch. We went on a "haunted" hay ride. I thought Zalen would freak out more but he did really good. One guy did sneak up on him pretty good and scare him though because he was watching the ghost behind us and not the guy right beside. It was funny! We picked out our pumpkins and hope to get them carved some time this week. I love the top middle picture because it captures his "ornery and I know I am a cute little stinker" face.
I think the highlight for Zalen this last month was dancing at his cousin's wedding. He threw a fit when I made him get off the dance floor because they were tossing the bouquet. He did not understand that it was only girls allowed at that time. He loves to dance. Here is a picture of him and his girl, Sam. :-)
my passions. my heart. my focus. i have been so blind. self-centered - lost - focused on everything and anything that didn't matter and totally aloof to what did
i thought i had it all wrapped up in a nice box with a bow all i ever dreamed of and more really i did a loving husband - beautiful children a home - food - shelter hobbies and friends the "american dream" *throws head back in outrageous laughter*
then i started to pray a dangerous prayer for God to empty me of myself and fill me with Him.
i surrendered and said i wanted more. even in my fear, my doubts He answered.
when He opens your eyes be warned - it hurts, it compels, it questions it probes, it challenges e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g
"I
am losing patience with a world so indifferent that they can stand by
and allow 12 million of God's souls to walk aimlessly through the
desert." - Jim Copple about the drought in Kenya
i am also losing patience to indifference i just don't fit in anymore they look at me strangely they live dimly i will not go back
Jesus said to be a LIGHT you can't be a light if you're not burning you laugh at the passage about hiding the light under a bowl that is you that is me because your too... what what exactly is your EXCUSE? you have the unfair advantage!! God said you did. But you won't believe.. won't believe..
complacency robs ministry dies
if your life is not about saving people you have no life no purpose
your excuses STINK how does the Bible put it? like a dog returning to eat his vomit?! harsh.. so harsh.. so judging you want to say say it go ahead who said I was talking about you?
i don't know how to be me anymore i need more i'm hungry desperately hungry desperately seeking
a stranger stares back but I pray desperately that He sees a lump of clay
This is Sarah from nothinglefttopaint.com.
I'm honored to have been asked by Tessy to guest post about
fundraising. Tessy and her husband Craig are dear friends through the
adoption blogosphere. We used the same agency and they loving visited
Odette while they were in Congo picking up their son.
First of all, my hat's off to all of you in the thick
of fundraising. It is one of the most humbling and difficult things
I've ever done. I am a get-things-done-myself kind of person. If there
is something I want to achieve I set a goal and get it on my own.
Unfortunately, like for so many adoptive families, we couldn't do it on
our own. We needed financial support from others to make our dream a
reality. Going into the adoption I thought fundraising would be like a
giant girl scout cookie selling party. I'd share our decision to adopt,
people would jump for joy and hand over their wallets. Not so much.
That isn't to say that we didn't get TREMENDOUS support from others, we
did, it just wasn't easy or fun. Asking (begging) people for money
stunk.
Opportunity in Fundraising
Here is what I learned. Fundraising is an awesome
opportunity to educate and involve others in your adoption. We opened
so many people's eyes to the beauty of adoption and the reality that
normal people just you and I can do it. I loved that we allowed others
to live the gospel. Yes, adoption is the gospel. God calls us to look
after widows and orphans, and our fundraising allowed others the chance
to say yes to the call in the manner that was best for them. We sold
several things like 147 Million Orphans shirts and holiday candies, but
with both of those I felt like we were hitting up the same circle of
people again and again. They bought something they (maybe) wanted and
we got a cut of the proceeds. To avoid this from happening again we
turned to a garage sale.
#Tip: View Fundraising as an opportunity to educate and involve others in your adoption
Collecting Stuff
We collected everyones' stuff for months leading up to
our spring sale. I posted reminders on the blog and passed the word
along. Most people seemed to have a bag or two that they had been
meaning to donate that they happily handed over. It seemed that in no
time our basement was overflowing with garage sale donations.
#Tip: Get the word out about your sale and keep posting reminders that they are taking donations
Book Sale
While we
were waiting for the ground to thaw to have the big garage sale, a sweet sweet
friend of ours wanted to do her part to say yes. She felt the Lord
telling her that she could do more to help bring Odette home. Sure she
could give us a donation, but knew that with a little more work she
could wow us. This sweet friend went on to completely organize and host
a book sale for us. She passed out fliers and spread the word far and
wide. Books poured in from everywhere. I never knew that there were so
many people with books they were so willing to part with. While I was
have panic attacks about my piles in the basement of garage sale stuff,
the dear friend of mine was filling a barn with books! Can you say
humbling? She wouldn't let me do much of anything as she knew how
overwhelmed I was already feeling. The sale was held on a stormy and
even tornado warning filled day, but the sales and cash donations were
an astonishing $500! Oh I forgot to mention that the books were priced
at $1 each. Some people paid that, others gave much more, and still
others handed over money and walked out empty handed. I went home that
evening that cried out to God for the blessings. He called us to do
this, why are so many others helping? I still think back to that book
sale and consider the kind ladies that put it on our book angels.
#Tip: Don't think you can handle doing a garage sale - Try a book sale instead. 1 product, 1price.
Unexpected Blessing...
Two weeks before our garage sale was to happen we were
contacted by another friend that had shared our story with their family.
Her family shared it with their friends and friends friends and
suddenly we were being asked if we would be home on Sunday? They had a
moving truck full of stuff they would like to drive over to us FROM OUT
OF STATE to donate to our sale. Our collection quadrupled in size in
one hour. We were in awe as the full-to-the-brim truck was being
carefully driven to our home. Slyly our friends MOST KIND parents
slipped us an envelope (that unbeknownst to us was a very large cash
donation)and drove off as quickly as they arrived. Needless to say we
had some of everything at our sale. I can't really pin point what it
was that brought in the most people or the most money. We did make over
$500 more on the books leftover from the book sale. I couldn't believe
some of the stuff that sold. I really think it was the wide variety of
stuff that brought in the profits.
#Tip: Encourage your friends to tell their friends about your sale
#Tip: Try to get a variety of items
Advertising....We advertised on Craigslist (FREE),
in our local paper (who gave us a discounted ad price because I asked),
and put signs up around the surrounding neighborhood. We live tucked
away in a subdivision and wouldn't have gotten much traffic if we didn't
advertised. People haggled prices and we let them. We priced high
knowing that we could come down. Our Friday sales were way beyond my
goal for the entire weekend. In my mind I was hoping to be able to pay
for Odette's flight home. We surpassed that by a lot!
#Tip: ADVERTISE, ADVERTISE, ADVERTISE
1. Put out the word 2. Collect lots of stuff 3. Work your butt off
I've seen lots of variations of garage sales. Some
with no prices, some with baked goods sales, some with donation buckets,
some with firm prices. I don't really think that is a right or wrong
way. We loved the garage sale because it opened us up to a bigger
circle of people. We weren't asking our family and friends to buy
anything or give us any more money. We gladly took what stuff they
didn't want and appreciated their help during the actual sale, but it
was nice to feel like we weren't hounding them once again. So put out
the word, collect lots of stuff, and work your butt off for a few days.
It is well worth it!
My point of this
post is mostly to encourage you. I don't have any real steadfast, make
quick and easy money tips for you. Sorry to disappoint. What I want to
do is reassure you that your fundraising is all part of His plan. It
is. You know the saying If He brings you to it, He will bring you
through it. He will. He will amaze you time and time again by who He
chooses to use to play a role. While you might be sitting there feeling
so unworthy of your blessings, know that those people who are
supporting you are walking away filled with complete joy that they got
to have a role in your adoption.
#Tip: Realize even fundraising can be a God thing
Thank you Sarah for sharing about your garage sale/book sale fundraisers and extending encouragement to those that are in the thick of fundraising. Get to know Sarah and read more of her story at her blog:Nothing Left to Paint: Our Journey to Adopting from the Congo.
Also don't forget to LINK UP your fundraiser link below. I love to support fundraisers when I can and I always share a link to this blog on my Monday facebook page with my circle of friends and encourage them to shop as well.
Interested in more fundraising tips and articles check out this link of all blog posts labeled Fundraising
FYI: For those curious... I wrote to my Congolese friend Tresor about the hair drama and he wrote me back this about twists... "About the hair, in DRC it's girls and "bad boys"(thugs) who have those. That's probably why he didn't want them."
I can't believe how big Zalen has grown? It seems over the summer and the last few months especially this boy has shot up. In fact just a month ago I put up size 13 shoes that were too big and had to go pull them down a few days ago because I swear the dude's feet grew overnight. When we got him home he was just about an inch taller then the twins. He is now a head taller. I can hardly believe it. It is amazing at what some good nutrition can do.
I already blogged this month about some of the things we are working at learning wise. We are continuing to be at Pre-K level focusing on colors, shapes, same/different, coloring inside the lines, etc... I am also introducing letters slowly but they are not our main focus. I am spending two weeks on each letter -- and more concentrating on picture cards for each letter as he still has so much English words to learn.
I think the highlight of the month was going to the barbershop with Teddy and the boys. Craig has cut his hair in the past and he does ok but I wanted something sharp for our family pictures we are taking today for the church directory. Plus, how fun would it be to go with Teddy to the barbershop?! Here is a few pictures he took for me.
Oh yeah, and my hope has been dashed about growing out his hair and trying some twists. I was all excited when I ran across a link on my friends Facebook page --
I can do that! I can do that! I had my doubts before but with this hair twisting miracle it was worth a try. So I am all excited and call Zalen over. I show him this picture from the websites testimonial page and ask him -- Do you want mommy to do your hair like that?
He said, "No!" and started pouting and went into his stubborn shut down, you just violated my rights kind of thing. I could not believe his adverse reaction. He like totally started shutting down. As soon as I reassured him I wouldn't do his hair like if he didn't want me to he perked right back up and went off to play. A friend asked me if I had seen any guys hair like that while in the DRC and I said no. The only twists I had seen were on women with shorter hair. So I am wondering if that is a cultural thing?! Or if the picture triggered someone he didn't like that looked like that. It was a bit strange.
So what else did Zalen do this month? We have went to a lot of birthdays. I love this picture of him with all the girls at Aleigh's party.
He also graduated from his Pre-K Sunday School class to the next one up.
Zalen also had a boys night out with Ryan and Dad and they went to a Monster Truck show. Zalen was not a fan Craig said. He put the hood up from his jacket and pulled it down over his eyes most of the show. I need to get pictures from Edward b/c Craig didn't take any. Hint! Hint!
He also lost his other front tooth on the trampoline last Sunday. Ryan kneed his jaw on accident and out it came. He has lost two other teeth since being home...and I think he ended up swallowing both of those. This one he actually took out of his mouth and was freaking out. I assured him it was ok and he carried it in his pocket the rest of the day, showing it to everyone he encountered. So now he is missing his two front teeth!
We are doing well. Just buckling down with school and learning, learning, learning. We are looking forward to many more firsts with him this fall season. His first pumpkin carving, jumping into the leaves, hayrides, etc... He is going to love fall. So much still he hasn't experienced.
Wash yourselves; make yourselves clean;
remove the evil of your deeds from before my eyes;
cease to do evil,learn to do good;
seek justice,
correct oppression;
bring justice to the fatherless,
plead the widow's cause.
I was struck deeply by the above verses in my Bible reading today. When I feel lost in this world, which I have been feeling A LOT lately, I find myself drenching myself in scripture trying to find direction. Trying to find Him, among all this.
Just a bit of background to the time that Isaiah was writing this:
"Isaiah ministered at a time when both Israel, under Jeroboam
II, and Judah, under Hezekiah, had reached their zenith of prosperity
and political power. Yet the seeds of destruction had germinated
and almost reached maturity in both nations in the form of idolatry
and its attendant vices, personal immorality and political corruption."
I found myself asking after reading the above statement, "Are you sure your talking about Israel and not the United States?" I won't dwell there but it seems the "mess" has been front and center due to it being an election year and my heart hurts in a lot of areas where our nation is headed.
My point is that in the very first chapter -- God is telling the people how to get back on track, how to find Him among this mess they had created. Right before these verses it says..
15
When you spread out your hands,
I will hide my eyes from you;
even though you make many prayers,
I will not listen;
Stay with me, all of this has to do with my "mess" and my addiction...
What a sobering thought? That the people had strayed so far that God could not tolerate them or their prayers. Even more sobering and this is a modern day Tessy translation but it seems to me God says to the people...
You want me to hear you.... You want me to see you and respond to your prayers.... You want to feel my presence. Then you need to get IT people. I don't want your church attendance. I don't want your tithes. I don't want your programs and forced worship. I know when you are just playing church. It shows by your lack of action! So wash up and get over your self absorbed lives. It is time to do GOOD. What good!? What fruit do I long for you to bear? What can you do to match my heart beat? Seek Justice. Open your eyes to the oppressed and when your eyes are opened don't ignore it - CORRECT it. Start loving the orphans and widows as you say you love me --- and then I will find you, see you, restore you.
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this:
to
look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep
oneself from
being polluted by the world. James 1:27
I have read that verse in James so many times but after reading in Isaiah something hit me hard. A piece of the puzzle fell into place. For the first time I realized the source of my addiction.
I call it an addiction because it is. I crave loving orphans. Something changed in my heart as I held those beautiful children. Some travel and are shocked by the poverty and conditions, but I was expecting that. What moved me and stripped me (and what I was not expecting) was that up to that point I had done nothing about it. I was polluted by the world. I was shocked by my own selfish, evil, self absorbed life. Evil, really? Aren't you being over dramatic? No, I am not according to the above verses in Isaiah. It is the exact word that fits. Anyone else tired of candy coating sin?
9 months since my trip to Congo, and I am just now beginning to grasp the cleansing that took place. Maybe I wasn't ready for the truth of it all until now. The washing of so much self. It was only because of that cleansing that I experienced some of the most pure moments of my life time with my God. As I looked into the hopeless, fevered & sunken eyes and whispered in Lingala (yó ozalíkitoko) to a child that they were beautiful, coaxing a weak smile, I felt His unpolluted love rage through my veins. I had felt His love before many times, but not like I did when I was there seeking to be His hands, His feet.
It explains my drive and addiction to continue to help since I have arrived home. The yard sale for the school at Kaka, raising money for mosquito nets, & the school sponsorship campaign. I'm looking for my next fix. In those small, small, things of just being a voice and sharing.... my love for orphans mirrors God's love for them. The more I give, the more I fight for the oppressed the more I see how He sees. The closer I get to Him. Do you understand?!
I can't stop. I'm addicted. I'm addicted because I was that orphan. I was the pigeon-toed, mop of tangled curls girl who hated who she was. I was an orphan that needed hope and love without condition. I was starving without a Savior. He found me... when I felt abandoned by everyone else. He took my hand and whispered "Yó ozalíkitoko" and for the first time in my life I believed it. At age 13, He adopted me into His family and I finally knew where I belonged in this world.
I am confident to answer the question someone asked awhile back - "Will it ever be enough?! Will you ever be satisfied with where you are and what you have already done." No. Absolutely not. Or to put a Josh Wilson spin on it "I refuse!"
I understand some of you want to commit me to rehab due to my addiction. You watch in confusion as I eat chicken and rice for an entire month and my wardrobe transcends into an oblivion of various adoption shirts. :-D You hide me from your facebook feed because you don't want to get one more of "those" posts. To you I say, You don't know what you're missing!
But...(and this is what is so EPIC!) there are so many more of you have joined me and are or becoming addicts yourself. In loving orphans we have transcended barriers and found a love that can only be described as divine. That is why we are" crazy"! That is why we can't stop. We have found the hidden treasure that God placed in us as He knit us together in our mother's womb. The mystery is unraveling as we radar in on it, a mirrored love of our heavenly Father.
If your feeling that God is far away.. That He is not listening... and your lost in this world... I dare you to try out my addiction. LOVE. Maybe you are that orphan feeling abandoned... that needs to believe that you are beautiful and that God has plan and purpose for you. Say yes... believe His whisper. Maybe you've been addicted to everything but.... it is time for you to wash yourself, make yourself clean and find the pureness that comes with leaving "you" behind. I am still praying for you, the one that is reading my blog that needs to say "Yes" to adopt. The one that is being called to mirror that love because you already know it, are addicted to it, and need to share it.
Wherever you are I hope this will somehow help you understand my addiction and why I refuse to stop!
Find someone to help you with your design. If you can't find anyone
locally, there is a lot of options online--but I found it more
profitable to do it myself. Plus, I wanted a design that was ours and highlighted the DRC. Personally, I like unique designs.
Start contacting screen printing companies -- make sure you tell them it is for an adoption fundraiser - many will waive
some sort of fees and give you a good deal. We worked with a local printing place and they gave us an amazing deal.
Advertise -- I put it on my blog, made a promo video, put it on facebook, advertised on adoption forums, etc...
Pre-order! Pre-order! Pre-order! (this helps you not get stuck with a bunch of shirts you can't sell)
Assemble a team -- I rounded up ten family/friends who would be my
T-shirt sales teams. Each one received a picture of what the printed
shirt would look like, an order form, envelope for $$, and a deadline of
when I needed it back.
Collect the $$ when they make they order - not later.
Offer an incentive to fuel motivation -- People like competition. I told my team the highest
sales person would receive a home-cooked dinner (if they were local) or a
gift card (if not) and a free T-shirt for themselves, and of course
bragging rights. I checked in with my team weekly and had them post
numbers of who was in the lead.
Don't forget about shipping! --
I knew I would be shipping out a lot of orders so I priced my T-shirts at $20 each to cover that.
Shipping -- Let the Post Office help you figure out the best
shipping price. I bought plastic bag type envelopes to mail them out -
but this seemed only cost effective if I was sending out one at a time.
Most of the time the flat rate envelope was the best deal. You can
stick quite a few T-shirts in a flat rate envelope. Our post office was
amazingly helpful to get us the best deal.
If possible sell online. I did not do this and wish I would have. I
might have sold more if I did. Many people like the convenience of
being able to purchase online and not having to mail you a check.
Order a realistic amount of extra shirts, after people see other people
wearing them, others will want one. Also inquire with company what is
would cost to print a second round if you have enough interest, work
that into your first deal.
Make sure you offer a good range of sizes from kid sizes to XXL's -
and price a bit more for the XXL's as they will cost more to buy.
Keep the choices to a minimum. Yes people like choices, long
sleeved, fitted, not fitted, colors, etc.. I had enough on my plate and
you probably do as well so keep it simple which will make ordering a
breeze. I went with the option that everyone could do, a regular
T-shirt.
Have people send in pictures of them wearing the shirts and post on
your blog. Make a photo book of all of the people and all the places
they are from that prayed your son/daughter home. It will be a great
keepsake later. I loved seeing all the places and different
states/countries our shirt went.
15. Have "Wear your Shirt & Pray" days -- People feel linked to your
story that way - Proudly wearing their shirt
and showing support on those days where important
paperwork/appointments are happening. Plus, it was a great
encouragement to us when people would write or send a picture saying
they were wearing their shirts.
16. Still feel overwhelmed?? There is websites that will help you. I really love Simply Love Products. Check them out!
I hope these tips will help you as your raise $$ for your adoption! The T-shirt fundraiser was probably one of our best fundraisers and we raised almost $4,000 with that fundraiser alone.
I am still working on getting some guest writers for Fundraising Friday -- so stay tuned for more great fundraising ideas!!
Once again it is time to link up!! I love sharing and browsing your fundraiser links. I am loving my new Adoption themed hoodie I purchased a few weeks ago. The last few days have been chilly and it is nice and comfty!
