Aching heart

I woke this morning with an ache in my heart and I knew instantly it was for my little boy somewhere in Africa that is waiting for me.  If just for an instant I could fast forward to see his face and know that I would soon be stepping on a plane to meet him...that would be the best Christmas gift. 

I really wanted to go into this process with open hands - not gripping anything too tightly.  After an exhaustive, extensive search for an agency to adopt from the Congo I have finally realized that this is just not going to work out for our family.  There has been many factors in this decision and today I recognize the closed door and I accept it.  Not my will, but God's - this is my fervent prayer.  He will lead me to my little boy.

We are now looking into adopting from Ethiopia.  I think we have found an agency that we will be going through.  A co-worker of Craig's recommended it and the very same day I had requested information from that agency, which just happened to be the only agency I had even inquired to concerning their Ethiopia program.  Coincidence? - I don't really believe in them anymore.

I am just so anxious to fill out my application and start my journey to meet my little boy.  To think that he is waiting for me somewhere....ohhh it squeezes my heart.

Yesterday, my wonderful friends Megan and Lucius were scheduled to fly home with their little girl Azriah from China.  I have so enjoyed rejoicing and celebrating with them and I can't wait to read their blog about how she likes her new home and see all the pictures of the family accepting her into the family.  Such things as those is truly what Christmas is about and my eyes are just filling with tears thinking of that kind of reunion.

So this Christmas I am very much relating to the three kings who followed a star to find the boy they were searching for.  A boy who would change their lives forever.  I am too searching.... waiting.... praying.... hoping...

I am thankful that God has worked in my heart and opened up my eyes to see past myself.  I am thankful that He is breaking my heart for the orphans.  I am thankful that He will be there to guide and comfort me with each step we take.  Looking at the big picture can overwhelm me with fear and doubt but when I cling to His promises and take one day at a time it all balances out.