Zalen: Home 8 months....Hair Drama & more....

I can't believe how big Zalen has grown?  It seems over the summer and the last few months especially this boy has shot up.  In fact just a month ago I put up size 13 shoes that were too big and had to go pull them down a few days ago because I swear the dude's feet grew overnight.  When we got him home he was just about an inch taller then the twins.  He is now a head taller.  I can hardly believe it.  It is amazing at what some good nutrition can do.

I already blogged this month about some of the things we are working at learning wise.  We are continuing to be at Pre-K level focusing on colors, shapes, same/different, coloring inside the lines, etc... I am also introducing letters slowly but they are not our main focus.  I am spending two weeks on each letter -- and more concentrating on picture cards for each letter as he still has so much English words to learn.  

I think the highlight of the month was going to the barbershop with Teddy and the boys.  Craig has cut his hair in the past and he does ok but I wanted something sharp for our family pictures we are taking today for the church directory.  Plus, how fun would it be to go with Teddy to the barbershop?!  Here is a few pictures he took for me.  

Oh yeah, and my hope has been dashed about growing out his hair and trying some twists.  I was all excited when I ran across a link on my friends Facebook page -- 

www.nudred.com

I can do that!  I can do that!  I had my doubts before but with this hair twisting miracle it was worth a try.  So I am all excited and call Zalen over.  I show him this picture from the websites testimonial page and ask him -- Do you want mommy to do your hair like that?  

He said,  "No!" and started pouting and went into his stubborn shut down, you just violated my rights kind of thing.  I could not believe his adverse reaction.  He like totally started shutting down.  As soon as I reassured him I wouldn't do his hair like if he didn't want me to he perked right back up and went off to play.  A friend asked me if I had seen any guys hair like that while in the DRC and I said no.  The only twists I had seen were on women with shorter hair.  So I am wondering if that is a cultural thing?!  Or if the picture triggered someone he didn't like that looked like that.  It was a bit strange.

So what else did Zalen do this month?  We have went to a lot of birthdays.  I love this picture of him with all the girls at Aleigh's party.

He also graduated from his Pre-K Sunday School class to the next one up.

Zalen also had a boys night out with Ryan and Dad and they went to a Monster Truck show.  Zalen was not a fan Craig said.  He put the hood up from his jacket and pulled it down over his eyes most of the show.  I need to get pictures from Edward b/c Craig didn't take any.  Hint!  Hint!

He also lost his other front tooth on the trampoline last Sunday.  Ryan kneed his jaw on accident and out it came.  He has lost two other teeth since being home...and I think he ended up swallowing both of those.  This one he actually took out of his mouth and was freaking out.  I assured him it was ok and he carried it in his pocket the rest of the day, showing it to everyone he encountered.  So now he is missing his two front teeth!  

We are doing well.  Just buckling down with school and learning, learning, learning.  We are looking forward to many more firsts with him this fall season.  His first pumpkin carving, jumping into the leaves, hayrides, etc...  He is going to love fall.  So much still he hasn't experienced.

Attempting to understand my Addiction...

Wash yourselves; make yourselves clean;
remove the evil of your deeds from before my eyes;
cease to do evil,learn to do good;
seek justice,
correct oppression;
bring justice to the fatherless,
plead the widow's cause. 

I was struck deeply by the above verses in my Bible reading today.  When I feel lost in this world, which I have been feeling A LOT lately, I find myself drenching myself in scripture trying to find direction.  Trying to find Him, among all this.  

Just a bit of background to the time that Isaiah was writing this:

 "Isaiah ministered at a time when both Israel, under Jeroboam II, and Judah, under Hezekiah, had reached their zenith of prosperity and political power. Yet the seeds of destruction had germinated and almost reached maturity in both nations in the form of idolatry and its attendant vices, personal immorality and political corruption."

I found myself asking after reading the above statement, "Are you sure your talking about Israel and not the United States?"  I won't dwell there but it seems the "mess" has been front and center due to it being an election year and my heart hurts in a lot of areas where our nation is headed. 

My point is that in the very first chapter -- God is telling the people how to get back on track, how to find Him among this mess they had created.  Right before these verses it says..

  15  When you spread out your hands,
I will hide my eyes from you;
even though you make many prayers,
I will not listen;

Stay with me, all of this has to do with my "mess" and my addiction...

What a sobering thought?  That the people had strayed so far that God could not tolerate them or their prayers.  Even more sobering and this is a modern day Tessy translation but it seems to me God says to the people...

You want me to hear you....  You want me to see you and respond to your prayers....  You want to feel my presence.  Then you need to get IT people.  I don't want your church attendance.  I don't want your tithes.  I don't want your programs and forced worship.  I know when you are just playing church.  It shows by your lack of action!  So wash up and get over your self absorbed lives.  It is time to do GOOD.  What good!?  What fruit do I long for you to bear?  What can you do to match my heart beat?  Seek Justice.  Open your eyes to the oppressed and when your eyes are opened don't ignore it - CORRECT it.  Start loving the orphans and widows as you say you love me --- and then I will find you, see you, restore you.  

 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: 

to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep 

oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

I have read that verse in James so many times but after reading in Isaiah something hit me hard.  A piece of the puzzle fell into place.  For the first time I realized the source of my addiction.

I call it an addiction because it is.  I crave loving orphans.  Something changed in my heart as I held those beautiful children.  Some travel and are shocked by the poverty and conditions, but I was expecting that.  What moved me and stripped me (and what I was not expecting) was that up to that point I had done nothing about it.  I was polluted by the world.  I was shocked by my own selfish, evil, self absorbed life.  Evil, really?  Aren't you being over dramatic?  No, I am not according to the above verses in Isaiah.  It is the exact word that fits.  Anyone else tired of candy coating sin?

9 months since my trip to Congo, and I am just now beginning to grasp the cleansing that took place. Maybe I wasn't ready for the truth of it all until now.  The washing of so much self.  It was only because of that cleansing that I experienced some of the most pure moments of my life time with my God.   As I looked into the hopeless, fevered & sunken eyes and whispered in Lingala (yó ozalí kitoko) to a child that they were beautiful, coaxing a weak smile, I felt His unpolluted love rage through my veins.  I had felt His love before many times, but not like I did when I was there seeking to be His hands, His feet.

It explains my drive and addiction to continue to help since I have arrived home.  The yard sale for the school at Kaka, raising money for mosquito nets, & the school sponsorship campaign.  I'm looking for my next fix.  In those small, small, things of just being a voice and sharing.... my love for orphans mirrors God's love for them.  The more I give, the more I fight for the oppressed the more I see how He sees.  The closer I get to Him.  Do you understand?!  

I can't stop.  I'm addicted.  I'm addicted because I was that orphan.  I was the pigeon-toed, mop of tangled curls girl who hated who she was.  I was an orphan that needed hope and love without condition.  I was starving without a Savior.  He found me... when I felt abandoned by everyone else.  He took my hand and whispered "Yó ozalí kitoko" and for the first time in my life I believed it.  At age 13, He adopted me into His family and I finally knew where I belonged in this world.  

I am confident to answer the question someone asked awhile back - "Will it ever be enough?!  Will you ever be satisfied with where you are and what you have already done."  No.  Absolutely not.  Or to put a Josh Wilson spin on it "I refuse!"  

I understand some of you want to commit me to rehab due to my addiction.  You watch in confusion as I eat chicken and rice for an entire month and my wardrobe transcends into an oblivion of various adoption shirts. :-D  You hide me from your facebook feed because you don't want to get one more of "those" posts.  To you I say, You don't know what you're missing!  

But...(and this is what is so EPIC!) there are so many more of you have joined me and are or becoming addicts yourself.  In loving orphans we have transcended barriers and found a love that can only be described as divine.  That is why we are" crazy"!  That is why we can't stop.  We have found the hidden treasure that God placed in us as He knit us together in our mother's womb.  The mystery is unraveling as we radar in on it, a mirrored love of our heavenly Father.  

If your feeling that God is far away.. That He is not listening... and your lost in this world... I dare you to try out my addiction.  LOVE.  Maybe you are that orphan feeling abandoned... that needs to believe that you are beautiful and that God has plan and purpose for you.  Say yes... believe His whisper.  Maybe you've been addicted to everything but....  it is time for you to wash yourself, make yourself clean and find the pureness that comes with leaving "you" behind.  I am still praying for you, the one that is reading my blog that needs to say "Yes" to adopt.  The one that is being called to mirror that love because you already know it, are addicted to it, and need to share it.  

Wherever you are I hope this will somehow help you understand my addiction and why I refuse to stop!

Fundraising Friday - T-shirt Fundraiser Tips

Tessy's Tips on T-shirt fundraising:

1. Find someone to help you with your design.  If you can't find anyone locally, there is a lot of options online--but I found it more profitable to do it myself.  Plus, I wanted a design that was ours and highlighted the DRC.  Personally, I like unique designs. 
2. Start contacting screen printing companies -- make sure you tell them it is for an adoption fundraiser - many will waive some sort of fees and give you a good deal.  We worked with a local printing place and they gave us an amazing deal. 
3. Advertise -- I put it on my blog, made a promo video, put it on facebook, advertised on adoption forums, etc...
4. Pre-order!  Pre-order!  Pre-order! (this helps you not get stuck with a bunch of shirts you can't sell)
5. Assemble a team -- I rounded up ten family/friends who would be my T-shirt sales teams.  Each one received a picture of what the printed shirt would look like, an order form, envelope for $$, and a deadline of when I needed it back.
6. Collect the $$ when they make they order - not later.
7. Offer an incentive to fuel motivation -- People like competition.  I told my team the highest sales person would receive a home-cooked dinner (if they were local) or a gift card (if not) and a free T-shirt for themselves, and of course bragging rights.  I checked in with my team weekly and had them post numbers of who was in the lead. 
8. Don't forget about shipping! -- I knew I would be shipping out a lot of orders so I priced my T-shirts at $20 each to cover that.  
9. Shipping -- Let the Post Office help you figure out the best shipping price.  I bought plastic bag type envelopes to mail them out - but this seemed only cost effective if I was sending out one at a time.  Most of the time the flat rate envelope was the best deal.  You can stick quite a few T-shirts in a flat rate envelope.  Our post office was amazingly helpful to get us the best deal.
10. If possible sell online.  I did not do this and wish I would have.  I might have sold more if I did.  Many people like the convenience of being able to purchase online and not having to mail you a check. 
11. Order a realistic amount of extra shirts, after people see other people wearing them, others will want one.  Also inquire with company what is would cost to print a second round if you have enough interest, work that into your first deal.
12. Make sure you offer a good range of sizes from kid sizes to XXL's - and price a bit more for the XXL's as they will cost more to buy. 
13. Keep the choices to a minimum.  Yes people like choices, long sleeved, fitted, not fitted, colors, etc..  I had enough on my plate and you probably do as well so keep it simple which will make ordering a breeze.  I went with the option that everyone could do, a regular T-shirt.  
14. Have people send in pictures of them wearing the shirts and post on your blog.  Make a photo book of all of the people and all the places they are from that prayed your son/daughter home.  It will be a great keepsake later.  I loved seeing all the places and different states/countries our shirt went.  

 15.  Have "Wear your Shirt & Pray" days -- People feel linked to your story that way - Proudly wearing their shirt and showing support on those days where important paperwork/appointments are happening.  Plus, it was a great encouragement to us when people would write or send a picture saying they were wearing their shirts.

16. Still feel overwhelmed??  There is websites that will help you.  I really love Simply Love Products.  Check them out!

I hope these tips will help you as your raise $$ for your adoption!  The T-shirt fundraiser was probably one of our best fundraisers and we raised almost $4,000 with that fundraiser alone.

I am still working on getting some guest writers for Fundraising Friday -- so stay tuned for more great fundraising ideas!!

Once again it is time to link up!!  I love sharing and browsing your fundraiser links. I am loving my new Adoption themed hoodie I purchased a few weeks ago.  The last few days have been chilly and it is nice and comfty!

Pre-K with Zalen - What I am learning...

First of all I want to thank all of you for your amazing support on helping sponsor the children from Mwangaza International.  All the children were sponsored for school.  My goal was to raise $400 and through my fundraising link $530 was raised which not only sponsored all the children pictured on my blog post and the rest of the girls that were not pictured!  Thank you!  Thank you!  Thank you!

The blog has been a bit silent because our household is coming off of a three week off and on sick streak as we have been passing around a terrible bug.  In between the sickness has been several birthdays.

I guess what is on my mind adoption wise is "learning".  What to expect and what not to expect.  What works.. What doesn't.  Zalen's English continues to improve but he is still having difficultly with remembering the basic flash card objects.  Another challenge is his attention span.

We have worked on colors forever it seems and he can not remember the names of the colors.  He can sort and match the colors but when you ask, "Zalen what color is this?" He hardly ever gets it right.  He seems overloaded by the amount of information I am presenting.

I am surprised how quickly he has picked up using the mouse and track pad on the computer.  He loves playing the games on starfall.com which we are using for the alphabet.  Right now I am spending two weeks on the same letter so we are only on the letter B.

Websites I am using are DreamEnglish (He loves the videos) and Starfall.  I am also using a few other sites for lap books that we are creating so he can review what we already learned.  I have rented an ESL video from the library several times that he also enjoys.

I think it is very important to understand what kind of techniques work the best with your child.  Avery was home today and she observed our lesson time.  "Mom, you really do things with Zalen a lot different then when you taught us in preschool."  I took that as a compliment.  I explained to her that he was learning a new language and we had to do things a bit different.

This link at ESL-Kids was very eye-opening -- "In Class - Meet the Children"  It described many different types of learning.  Flashcards are very difficult for Zalen.  He spends most of our flash card time saying --- Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm!  He is not a visual learner.  I am working to adapt my lessons so they are not so focused on flash cards.

I have learned in the last month or so that Zalen learns the best through music and song.  His strength is auditory.  He sings all the time! He may not always get the words to the song done but the rhythm to the song is always right on.   Makes sense due to his culture.  The Congolese have beautiful music.  Zalen has a way of dancing with his shoulders that just crack me up.   A very common issue for Zalen is adding extra syllables/sounds into words that don't belong. We use his strength of auditory to give difficult words a beat -- clapping out the syllables to a beat as we chant the word.  It has really helped him focus on pronouncing the word correctly.   

Zalen also seems to thrive on learning through touch.  He likes objects.  He can identify objects to a name much better then a flash card.  The link above describes this as tactile learning.  For Christmas we are hoping to purchase an I-pad as a family gift for everyone to share.  I believe that this will be a great learning tool for Zalen due to the tactile approach of touch.

Is there any programs or techniques that have worked for you?  Websites you love for ESL learning?  Please share!  I am really wanting more ideas on how to teach more tactile as well. 

They deserve to be known

Awhile back, I came across the name Trésor Yenyi.  He wrote the book: "Journey to the Heart of Darkness: Remembering Congo’s Forgotten".  A must read for those that have or are adopting from the DR Congo.  A must read for those that have an interest about the Congo due to Zalen being Congolese.   It is what he came from.  Trésor is Congolese himself and moved to the states when he was 21.

He wrote this about his book:
  While I was actually living in the Congo, I did not realize how much the country had fallen into the pit of a tragedy. When I came to Joplin, the easy access to information helped me realize the depth of what was going on, in every corner of my homeland. Statistics, numbers, and news reports, all educated me but I knew there was more than that. Behind these scary numbers, there are people. They have faces. They have names. Each story is unique and deserves to be told and deserves to be known. That is what led me to write this book. I do not claim to be a professional writer, nor do I claim to have all the answers to the problems of this world. I write from my heart more than anything else. I take it as my duty as a human being who witnessed the suffering of others to write about it and call others to action.---Yenyi, Trésor  (2010-10-06). Journey to the Heart of Darkness: Remembering Congo's Forgotten .

Though I have not met Trésor personally, I have friends that have.  Recently he did the mission service at my college roommates church for VBS.  He attended Ozark Christian College in Joplin, a sister school of Central Christian College of the Bible in Moberly that I attended.  I am telling you all of this so you will know this guy is legit!  His organization Mwangaza is doing some amazing things in the DR Congo.

Please take a few minutes to read the rest of this post and allow these children to be known.  Allow them to have a voice for the next few minutes.

GOAL: Sponsor 21 children for school

14 have already been sponsored - 7 more need to be known!

Mwangaza International helps victims of war have a second chance in life by helping them return to school. They help former child soldiers, rape survivors, orphans, refugees and others who have been affected by the war receive an education. They believe that sending them to a decent school opens a window of opportunity that they would not have without your help.

The cost varies depending on the location of the children and the level of education. the figure below include the tuition, school supplies and uniform for a school year.  That is an entire year of education!


1. Bideka: $ 140 per year (high school)
2. Bukavu: $ 150 per year (high school)
3. Goma: $ 70 per year (primary school)
4. Kinshasa: $200 per year (primary school)

The Goal for the campaign is to sponsor the 21 kids in the program for a total cost of $2,650. Any excess fund will go to adding more kids to the program!  Will you help my friend Tresor in meeting his goal?

Currently they still need to raise the funds for 7 more children.  Will you please take a moment to meet four of these incredible children that still need a sponsor?  There are also three victims of sex trafficking in Kinshasa that need to be sponsored that are not pictured below.  Their stories are personal.  If you choose to sponsor them and want to know more, Trésor will e-mail you personally their name and their story.  Just leave a note to him when you donate.


 

Meet Vangi....

Vangi is 10 years old. He is the the youngest of a family of 6. His family fled from the Sake region because of war in the North Kivu region. The displaced family lost everything. they struggle to survive, the parents are unable to feed their children or send them to school. Vangi needs $70 to go to school this year. Would you like to help Vangi return to school?

Meet Chance.... 

Chance is 9 years old.  She lives in the Lac Vert area near Goma. Her parents are displaced by the conflict in the eastern congo and are not able to send her back to school. Chance has a dream and education can open doors for her future. Please help send Chance back to school!

Meet Delphin.... Update: Thank you! Delphin has been sponsored!!

The handsome young man you is Delphin...his last name is Bahati. Delphin lost his mother when he was 4 due to the unrest in the region. He now lives with his elderly grandfather who is not able to send him to school. He needs $70 for this school year.  Would you help Delphin go to school?

Meet Toussaint.... Update: Thank you!  Toussaint has been sponsored!!

Toussaint is 10 years old. His family and him work a little garden to survive. They do not always have enough for the whole family. Toussaint wants to return to school in hope that it will open doors for him in the future.  Would you help him achieve his goal?

Maybe you can't sponsor the full amount, but any amount will help.  I have joined with my friend Trésor in this fundraising effort.  Below is a link to the fundraising page where you can donate under my team: "To Be Known"  In honor of my son, Zalen, my goal is to raise $400 to represent each year of his precious little life.  We celebrated his 4th birthday in May. The number 4 for every year he fought the injustices against him & survived until God wrote us, his family, into his story. 

Will you pray about joining me?  This campaign will be wrapping up at the end of this week so please don't delay.  If you can't give, choose a picture and pray for that child.  Buy the book and read it and let their stories be known.  Share this with your friends and be a voice.  So many ways that you can help!  Our family has already sponsored a beautiful lady for school this year.  Will you join us to send them to school?

 Click below to donate:

Send Them to School

Thank You!

Monthly Update: Zalen 7 months home

7 months home as of yesterday...
Where has the time gone?
Summer flew by so quickly.

With school starting we are back in a routine and Zalen and I have started our Pre-K lessons together.  Up to this point we have worked on basic English with flash cards and videos but we haven't done "sit down" lessons.  For the past 6 months we have really focused on "basic" skills.  Getting dressed without our clothes being on backward, brushing teeth, picking up toys, learning how to eat at the table,  (still eats so fast but at least he is keeping his mouth closed while he chews), how to wipe properly etc.  We didn't do lessons but each few weeks I would focus on a particular topic.  For example, we focused on learning his body parts in English and another week manners.  Later we moved onto cooking in the kitchen and what things are called in there.  We have spent a lot of time in the kitchen together as his world still revolves around food a lot!  I often felt I was doing my own cooking show because I would dialogue everything I was doing to help him with his English.

We have also spent the last 6 months working on sensory and physical activities.  He came home with very weak legs.  He complained a lot when we walked too much and stairs especially bothered him.  He was just awkward with a lot of basic things... swinging, could not jump at all, would rather walk then run, etc...   It is amazing how far he has come along in this department.   Good nutrition has a lot to do with it.  As you can see his latest obsession is with jumping.  I am not sure if this boy has ever been strong enough to "jump" before because once he figured out how to "jump over things" it became an obsession.  So I had to feature it in the above 7 month video.

We are starting to now work on Pre-K skills since his English is finally to a point where we can communicate better.  We are learning the alphabet, colors, and shapes.  

This past month he went to the dentist.  Everything checked out fine.  He said that he was probably closer to five then four but not older then 5.  He has had a major growth spurt over the summer and is now taller then the twins.

Here is a few more things Zalen did in August...

 

Played with Ryan - Love my boys!

 

Met his Grandpa Hubler for the first time

 

Met his Grandma Hubler for the first time

 

Met lots of cousins

 

And even more cousins, aunts, and uncles at the family reunion

Five of Zalen's favorite things to do

1.  Zalen loves to push the stroller around the yard.  Last night he went inside and got his monkey and was pushing it around.  Today the monkey went on more adventures in the stroller and got to swing!  I think the stuffed monkey is a fill-in for when the other kids are at school.

 

2. Hang out and play with his siblings and cousins

 

3. Cook with Mama 

 

4. Go on walks and race to the hay bales.

5. Play games on the computer.  I can't believe how well he has done with using the mouse.  

Hoping next week to do a post on some learning activities we have been doing :-) 

Just a note: We were the friday family featured on the Lifesong webpage.  Lifesong is a great ministry and we received a matching grant from them.  Family Friday: Craig & Tessy

Things not to pack: Expectations

If you have read my blog for a period of time, you will know that I think Jen Hatmaker rocks.  She writes transparently but also in a way that inspires me to take a deep look at a lot of "stuff" in my life.  Hence, the 7: experiment I have been doing from her book 7.  She wrote a post on her blog this week as she reflected being at the one year mark of having her kids home.  It is a must read.  It made me reflect on my own journey this far and spurred my husband and I into deep discussion on how different our experience was from hers.  I could identify with parts of her various stages yet our journey has been remarkably different. Yet, the comments showed that many had walked with her through a majority of it.  The one thing she nailed and that stood out to me the most was in her preface: "Of course, our story is not everyone’s story"

This is one truth that I think those in waiting need to realize.  That your experience will be unique because every child is unique.  To take it to another level, Your experience will be unique because you are unique.  I don't think I really got this concept until I was in-country.  You read all the books, you scour the forums and blogs for every bit of advice, from attachment to travel.  You are almost addicted to filing away this information in some what of an attempt to be "prepared" for this journey that lays before you.  Don't get me wrong, it is VERY important to educate yourself on adoption topics.  There is nothing wrong with asking for advice.  There in fact is something quite therapeutic in talking and sharing with others all the rampart thoughts running through your brain at all hours of the day & night.  Some advice will make your journey smoother - "Make sure you stop at the bathroom before you go through security" :-)  Yet please be aware that you can not formulate your experience by knowing enough. Does that make sense?

The best advice I received as I was trying to prepare myself to travel was from another adoptive mom, Alicia, that had traveled right before me.  She basically said, "Let your experience be your own experience, and leave your expectations at home."  

Maybe you get that, got that.  But I think I walked a fine line of not getting that.  I was so obsessed with gleaning from others experiences that I built up a bit of expectation of what my experience would be like.  Her wise words returned to me as we left the orphanage without our son the first day.  I had expected to take him back to the hotel.  Instead I held him, loved him, and left without him. (Rest assured, I got him back the next day)  Instead of freaking out, I walked away with peace in my heart as I surrendered the last of my expectations.  If I would of held onto those expectations, I could of created a very ugly scene in front of the other children at the orphanage.  

I think the same advice applies after the airport.  Advice is great as long as you have a fine print "No strings attached" policy to go along with it. False expectations are only setting yourself up for a world of hurts.  There are no guarantees in adoption. 

Jen described her different stages here:

• Pre-Stage: Waiting for Your Kiddo
• Stage 1: The First 4-6 Weeks (Honeymoon)
• Stage 2: Spaz Out (4-6 Weeks – 3-4 Months)
• Stage 3: Triage (4 Months – 8 Months)
• Stage 4: Rehab (8-12 Months)

 Read complete entry: The Truth About Adoption: One Year Later

Pre-stage spot on.  I read on to honeymoon.  Wait, Jen, you missed a few stages I think.  The in-country crazies where you had to draw boundaries with a child you barely knew. The time outs where he would scream like you were killing him in a brutal fashion.  He was so convincing that the hotel guest next door approached us concerned and ready to alert authorities until we explained we were adopting. The travel trauma where he repeatedly tried to bite my hand when I tried to keep his seat belt on. 

What about weeks 1-3?  I would need to section this one week by week:

• Week 1: Jet-Lagged & Loopy - I guess this would be our one week of honeymoon stage in a sense because we were all just head over heals loving him up.  He was doing great. 
• Week 2: Why am I still tired? and serious boundary drawing in the home
• Week 3: I'm not sharing my mom - Tales of Sibling Jealousy - Zalen is doing amazing and the others have lost it 

Around week 4 a new normal started to emerge and Zalen simply was doing amazing.  The most issues we had with him were probably week 2 and it was NOTHING compared to what we experienced in-country.  It was like we had a one week boot camp with him while others were happily bonding.  We did have a lot of good times with him as well in-country.  By the end of the week the fits were tapering down.

I read on to the "Spaz Out" stage.  I read on with wonder.  No food issues.  He eats everything.  No sleep issues - we slept in his room the first night, he did great.  The next night he slept by himself & slept like a log all night.  I watch for grieving, always on the alert.  The only grieving I have seen is when he doesn't get seconds at dinner.  In fact, at this point, the only person grieving was me.  I was grieving my experience in the DRC and finding it hard to focus on the present.  Zalen was thriving and mommy felt part of her heart was ripped out.  I didn't even really understand what was happening to me.  I am so thankful for Mama Julia who talked with me over an hour and reassured me this was very normal.  I have tried to write a post on this experience as well but the words are still stuck somewhere.

The truth is we just haven't really experienced the spaz out and triage experience.  I almost feel guilty saying that.  I do feel guilty saying that, if it might be a slap in the face to those who are there, who have been there.  In fact right now I am praying and e-mailing an adoptive mom who has faced those experiences deeply and in a way she never knew she would.  Nothing has turned out as she hoped for and I am grieving with her.  It was not at all what she expected.  I think she is brave and amazing, just for the record.  Her words niggled into my heart deep as I read her last e-mail: "Hug your little Zalen for us and don't take for granted how "well" he's adjusted."  I won't.  I promise.

As an adoptive community it is so important to be ok that our stories are different.  Those struggling through the spaz out/grieving stages, don't hide.  I may not have experienced what you are going through, but my prayers are not effective if I don't know how to pray.  I won't pretend to know what you are going through, but I will go through it with you.  I pray you won't be offended by my posts that share that things are going well.  I'm not competing and I am not against you.  I just have a different story.   

I am not sure what your story is... what your story will be.. how it will be wrote.  I'm not sure how our story will play out - maybe I will still experience what Jen and others have.  Wherever you are on your journey, take a bit of wisdom with you from this post as you travel on... the best advice I received:
  "Just go with the flow, have NO expectations EVER"

Even with all the uncertainties in adoption, there is one thing you can count on - your experience will be unique.