Zalen has been home 1 month!

Zalen Moise Fuller has been home for one month.  Unreal!
I was in the Congo, in Africa just a month ago.  Even more Unreal!

I am sitting here watching Zalen play blocks.  He is stacking one on top of the other making funny sounds through his tongue as he blows air in and out.  It has a certain rhythm to it as if it is helping him concentrate.  Now the super hero figurine "The Thing" enters the scene and destroys the whole structure with a blast of combat sounds.  He looks up at me, smiles and laughs looking for me to approve of his antics.  I beam him back a smile and he begins to rebuild.

Even though it has only been a month, I can't see my life without this precious boy.

He is such a sweet, sweet boy, full of hugs and kisses.  He is curious and figures out things quickly.  I found him in the living room the other day reflecting light through the window off the bottom of a peanut can.  He was laughing as he danced the reflection across the walls, ceiling, and our faces.  He loves to help and is independent.  He is used to taking care of himself and it shows.  He always put his dishes in the sink when he is done and shows me that he is full by pulling up his shirt and showing me his belly.  Each time he does this, it gets me, a tinge in the gut and I pray that I will never forget the blessing that in itself is.  A full belly. 

Our first month has went remarkably well.  I overflow, BURST with praise to God for this.  I know this isn't always the story when it comes to adjusting/attachment.  I have marveled time and time again over how he just seems to know that he belongs here.  Especially when he walked into the church like he owned the place, giving everyone high fives, hugs, and kisses. (He went to church after being home for only a week b/c he seemed to be doing so well and at that point we threw our cocooning plan out the window)  I know this is because God answered the plea, the cry of my heart that God would do a miracle in Zalen Moise's heart and prepare him for our family.  He certainly did that. 

We set high expectations from the beginning as far as behavior.  It was hard sometimes, because you want to some how make up for all he had went through.  It didn't seem "fair" on my mommy emotions to sit him in the corner and I fought the instinct to coddle him a lot.  It started in the hotel room in the DRC, where he would have a 20-30 minute melt down about once a day.  Usually over something trivial like turning off the light switch or getting into the food.  Once for biting.  The frustrations came out in biting a lot with Zalen in the beginning.  I believe drawing these lines that week set the tone for when we got home.  It was hard at times.  During one of the melt downs at the hotel a guy down the hall actually came out and asked me what was going on and if everything was ok.  Zalen was screaming at the top of his lungs at this point.  I smiled sweetly and said -- "Ohh that is just our son, he doesn't want to go to sleep.  So sorry, he will calm down in a bit."  After he returned to his room, I choked down a chunk of pride and asked God to comfort my heart and remind me that I wasn't after the approval of men.  Though I didn't ever feel directly judged, I carried this insecurity that someone would judge me on "What the heck are these white Americans think they are doing with this Congolese child!?"  So that moment brought it full force forward.  God whispered in my heart -- "My child, this is my plan for you, I will give you everything you need to fulfill it.  I am your measuring stick."  So thankful for God's whispers and I remember feeling peace knowing of all those praying us through it all. 

At home -- within a week the melt downs disappeared.  He is really stubborn so for awhile he would be in time out for awhile b/c he would pout and would not apologize.  SUPER STUBBORN.  Now a month later, he gets it.  He gets in trouble about as much as my other kids -- for doing kid type things.  I was so afraid about the whole sleeping issue - but he has slept in his own bed, through the night from day #1.  He shares a room with Ryan so I think this has helped - because he always has someone in there with him - just a top bunk away.  For the first week we would lay down with him for a little while and then go back to our beds.  The boy, once asleep, sleeps like a log, so this helped as well.  The second week, he was on his own.  He whimpered a bit for the first couple of days but then the whimpering stopped and now he is a pro.  One of my fav moments before bedtime was when I put footie pjs on him.  He thought they were so awesome.  2.5 weeks in, my heart oozed into a puddle of goo when he said the words back - Love You!

His first bath was a funny experience.  He was very unsure of it.  I put in some bubbles and toys and gave him a wash cloth.  I tried to show him he could play with the toys but he didn't get it.  He scrubbed himself efficiently, scrubbed the toys, and was ready to get out.  His second bath, after observing Ryan playing during his bath, Zalen did better and actually played for awhile with some of the bath toys.  I hear Pa Pa John's words often "It is a different planet."  Indeed it is.

So yes, all in all, Zalen is doing great.  A lot of people have asked me about food as it seems many have had issues with their adoptive child being quite picky once they are home.  The only thing this boy won't eat so far is peas.  Everything else I have cooked he inhales.

Finally a month later I really see him beginning to really bond with his siblings.  They all have loved him from the beginning, but there has been stages of growth for them.  First week: Super excited and they loved telling everyone about him, wanting to "show off" their new brother.  Second week: This is when the jealous stuff started rearing its head.  Mainly with the twins.  They were tired of Zalen getting so much attention and they weren't as fond of sharing mom and dad.  Ryan was being really mean to him during this time and it required some extra attention and talks from Craig and I.  I think out of everybody he has experienced this the most.

Avery is so funny with him, and so motherly. Her excessive hugs, kisses, and head rubbing simply drive Zalen nuts sometimes.  Aleigh has done amazing with all of it.  Many times stepping in when I need extra hands.  She is very patient with Zalen and mediates often to get them all playing/working together on a project/game.  By the end of week 2 or so, I noticed the kids excluding Zalen quite a bit when they played.  I was concerned and talked to the kids about it and they expressed their frustration mainly at the language barrier. (him just copying everything they did instead of playing with them)  I told them they needed to focus on what he can do, not on what he can't do.  I let them each come up with different activities that they could do with Zalen-- color, play ball, drive matchbox cards, play games like ring around the rosy, and building towers together with blocks.  I also emphasized their important role to help to teach him.  This has really helped that dynamic a lot.  They are playing together more regularly.  For example the other day they were playing on a merry-go-round thing outside.  Zalen wanted to play but was scared to sit up on it like the rest.  Instead of excluding him, one of them suggested he lay on it on his tummy and help push it.  SCORE!!  This week my praises have flowed watching this bonding happen.
  
He is picking up more English words everyday.  He parrots most anything you say.  We have worked on a lot of basic things - but recently done lessons, songs, flashcards on body parts.  He loves music and I use a lot of videos in teaching.  I will write a separate post on this.  He understands more then what he can speak.  I let him help me a lot in the kitchen or just hang out watching me when I am doing things.  It is so important to dialogue what I am doing as I do it.  So, many times I just pretend I am hosting my own show on the food network.  :-)  I have noticed being intentional about this has really helped him pick up a lot more English.  Instead of just zipping up his coat before we go - I make a mini lesson on what is a zipper, what it does and make him repeat - "Will you please zip up my coat?"  He is catching on.

So this is an update on Zalen and how is doing.  I will try to post soon about how I have dealt with everything personally since I have been home.